The Hunger Games - I'm Still Burning

Chapter 21

The next day I go through the motions. I feed Willow, change her nappy, soothe her when she cries. I am made of metal, robotic. Devoid of any feeling. Peeta can't understand, won't understand even if I tried to tell him. Haymitch makes an appearance, trying too hard to lighten the mood. He's clearly trying to make up for what he said yesterday. I wish I could erase his words, go back to when my little girl was just that. My perfect, little girl. Not a representation of all the children we lost.

I snap at them both throughout the morning and welcome the distraction when there's a knock at the door. I check my reflection on the way, combing my fingers through my matted hair. Did I even brush it this morning? To my surprise, Gale stands on the other side, as tall and handsome as ever. I almost breathe a sigh of relief, almost collapse into his arms and confess this terrible thing that Peeta and I have done.

But I don't do any of those things.

I don't do them because Gale is not alone at the door.

"Katniss, I'd like you meet someone." The impish smile on his face spreads right to his eyes. I notice he no longer has that haggard, post-war look about him and my stomach drops.

A girl stands coyly behind him, gripping on to his hand. She doesn't meet my eye. Her blonde hair falls in gentle waves, framing her perfectly love-heart shaped face. Her cheeks glow that rosy pink colour of someone who's permanently outside in the fresh air. The smell of her sickly sweet perfume wafts in on the breeze, overwhelming me. I take an instant disliking to her and she hasn't even uttered a word yet.

I realise how brainless I must look gaping in the door way and plaster an award-winning smile on my face.

"Sorry, I still have baby brain," I joke, smacking my forehead.

She smiles and I wish I could say she has wonky teeth, anything to take away from her natural beauty. But they are pearly white and it only makes her look prettier, fuelling my distaste.

"Can we come in?" Gale asks.

I nod, "Peeta's in the living room, I'll just get us some drinks."

I head towards the kitchen, leaving them to see themselves in. I run the cold tap and hold my wrists underneath it, letting the cool water calm me and stabilise my breathing. What did I expect? That he would stay single forever? Brood over me for the rest of his life? If that's the case, then I am a horrible person.

"Everything okay, Sweetheart?" Haymitch's arm snakes round my shoulders.

"I'm fine," I smile but I don't sound fine and Haymitch knows it. I feel his gaze upon me, waiting for me to elaborate but I don't even know where to begin. I can't explain without sounding disloyal to Peeta and yet my silence only makes me look guiltier.

"You do know I've seen every single side of you? Good, bad, ugly. Nothing you say will surprise me now," he says.

He's not wrong. I shrug my shoulders.

"It's like he purposely replaced me with someone who's everything I'm not," I sigh, biting my bottom lip to stop it from wobbling.

Haymitch just smiles sympathetically. "No one could replace you, Katniss Everdeen."

I take his hand and squeeze, grateful for his being here.

"Let me sort the drinks, you go and be sociable."

"Because we all know I'm the best at that," I say sarcastically. Haymitch chuckles and gives me a shove towards the door.

I walk in to the living room, gathering an air of as much nonchalance as I can muster. My name is Katniss Mellark. My home is District 12. I married Peeta Mellark. We have a beautiful baby girl. The Hunger Games are over. I forgave Gale Hawthorne. The tedious District 13 technique carries me to the sofa. It's not until I've sat down that I raise my eyes to meet our guests.