Warriors Of Life

burnt

Author: damnsugacookies

Book title: burnt

Cover & Title:

The cover's cute but I think it can be improved on and fit the book's theme/plot better. The font is playing tricks with my eyes because it looks blurry and has two layers. The picture of Jin isn't the best quality either.

The title is ok I guess. I see why you chose it but I don't find it interesting, it doesn't make me want to read the book and I think there are better titles that you could have chosen that would fit the story. I mean, her burning the cupcakes wasn't the main thing of the story, just the beginning of how things started. You're dedicating your title to one scene of the book.

Description:

I don't find any interest in the description. It's straightforward and boring. Write it in a way to catch your reader's interest. Don't be so straightforward. Tell us more about what the book is about, and try to make it a little longer. 

Example-

Forgetting that it was Mother's day, (blank) makes cupcakes on a whim to have a least something for the occasion, not having baked often. To her next-door neighbor's concern, he sees smoke exiting from her apartment window as the toxic fumes burn his nostrils.

Wanting to make some decent cupcakes for Mother's Day ends up being a disaster when she finds them burnt to crisps.

Yeah, it's not a great description but I'm just giving you some ideas on how you can change it, spice it up some. If you have trouble writing a description just try out different ways of writing it and/or look up how to write a good description. 

The first factors that are presented could be a lot better. Based on these factors I would not have read this book. It doesn't catch my interest and didn't make me want to read it.

Plot:

I'm getting the vibe that this is a short story, if it's not, this story would be great and probably better as one. With that said, I'm fine with the short chapters but some chapters were too short. Like chapter two for example. It didn't even have five sentences, and it could have been elaborated more on or included in the first chapter.

The pacing felt fast and kind of rushed. More could have definitely been explained in chapters and their relationship could have been elaborated on more. I felt like it needed to slowed down. We just jumped straight into the story without any background or explanation of getting to know the characters and their personalities.

The way the story is set up makes me think you didn't have any real, in-depth planning for it and just went along as you wrote. That's totally ok, but some planning does need to be made and you need to know at least a little about how things are going to be set out. If you don't it's most likely going to be messy and confusing.

The plot wasn't something totally new, but you did have some differences that I did like but I felt like you could have done more to make it more of your own and not so cliche. Unless you were going for that, which I don't mind occasionally. 

Diction/Writing Style:

Your writing style is ok, but could be improved on. Be more detailed and descriptive. I don't really get any imagery from your writing. The characters could be fleshed out more. The book's characters were dull and it makes them unrealistic, I don't get a connection with them. I really don't get much of a personality from them which makes them bland and dull. Give them some background and showcase their personality more.

Your writing is simple. Spice your writing up. Take some risks. Step out of your comfort zone and try out different writing styles. Keep writing and reading to improve on it.

Grammar:

There are some simple mistakes and some things need to be reworded, but that can be easily fixed. 

How to write dialogue 101 with your host.

An example-

You awkwardly stared into his honey colored, panic stricken eyes and asked:

'Can I help you?'

For dialogue, put quotation marks (") around the speech. Don't use single quotation marks (').

Should be⤵

(There are other ways this can be rewritten, this is just one.)

You awkwardly stared into his honey colored, panic stricken eyes. "Can I help you?"

Example-

'Can I help you?', she asked.

Her voice is beautiful, he thought.

'Is everything okay?', he asked (with an exceeding-

If you use a comma in dialogue, like the speech part, it should be right behind/after the word that ends the speech, not after the quotation marks. Use only one punctuation mark to end the speech. 

The parentheses in the last sentence is unnecessary and weird. Just write it normally without the parentheses around it.

Should be⤵

"Can I help you?" she asked.

Her voice is beautiful, he thought.

"Is everything okay?" he asked with an exceeding-

Any punctuation mark should be in the quotation marks.

Example-

Her shoulders drooped. 'I tried to bake a cake for my mother, but this is what happened'.

Should be⤵

Her shoulders drooped. "I tried to bake a cake for my mother, but this is what happened."

I also felt that chapter 3 and 4 could have been combined together. Some chapters were unnecessarily short and could be extended or combined together.

And wasn't she making cupcakes? But in chapter 3 and downward it's a full-on cake? Make sure you're being consistent throughout and not just suddenly changing things. It can become confusing.

I would definitely suggest researching how to write dialogue, how to format them, and dialogue tags because my short explanation isn't enough and there's a lot more about dialogue that I didn't explain here.

Overall view:

The book was alright. I do like how you set up the beginning of the book. It's cute but needs some adjustments.

____

~TheEverythingAwards