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Chapter 28
Finn said I love you. He said the words I had been dying to get out for so long.
All I wanted was to just scream those words right back at him. But then I just couldn't. He was staring at me with such intensity and love pouring his heart out with those three words. I know he was expecting them back too.
I know I love Finn. I know I do, no doubt! But for some terrible reason when I opened my mouth to say it back nothing came out. Those incredible feelings I wanted to scream and shout were suddenly inaudible.
I wanted this to be like those movies, tv shows, books, etc. but it just wasn't. In the movies it was easy. They told you they loved you and you told them it back. But what the movies didn't quite capture was the immense emotions behind those words. Or how important and meaningful those words actually were. You couldn't just say them. They had so much meaning behind them. I don't know if I can even capture the emotions behind the words.
"I-" I stuttered as I begged my brain to let me say it back. "That means the world to me," I said with wide eyes. I watched as Finn's once passionate and emotional eyes reflect hurt. Hurt that the girl he loved possibly might not love him back.
I hated seeing that in anyone. I leaned in and kissed him and although he kissed back I could feel the hesitation. He not only expected the words back, but he needed them. It's really tough to open up to someone when they aren't exactly doing it in return.
Asher Angel was definitely not the worst problem in the world.
-
"You didn't say it back?" Iris and Millie asked in unison. My eyes flickered between them as I became nervous.
"No... You guys it's so tough pouring your heart out to someone. It's like I was frozen and it was so terrible. I know Finn is upset, too." I ran my hands through my hair as I paced around my room
"I would be too, no offense." Millie shrugged as she scrolled through her phone.
I turned to her and gave her a sarcastic look. "Thanks," I replied in an annoyed tone.
"Look, hun, you didn't say it back, so what? The next time you see him again just tackle him with hugs and kisses and scream to him you love him. It will totally work," Millie said as she shrugged. "Don't forget Finn and I dated too! I did that every time, works like a charm. He's a baby for love," she laughed.
Really Millie?
"Ok, don't listen to Millie. If it's not the right time it's not the right time. Some people take longer to fall in love that is ok."
"But Iris, that's the thing. I know I love Finn. I know it. I love Finn Wolfhard, there you heard it! It's like something in me just freezes when I'm around him," I say as I begin my pacing again.
"Honey, it's called nerves. Baby, you're nervous. It's practically your first time in an actual legit relationship. Take your time if you need it. Finn's a good guy he'll understand." Millie said looking up at me and grabbing my hand to stop my pacing.
"Yeah... you're probably right. Finn's the sweetest guy if anyone will understand, it's him," I said as I sat beside Millie on my bed.
"We always got you boo," Iris chuckled as she climbed behind us on the bed and threw her arms over our shoulders. "It's what besties are for!"
-
I sucked in a big breath as I stood at Finn's door. I didn't even know what to say, I didn't have a plan. I knocked and after a few seconds, a distraught looking Finn opened the door.
I mean, after all, it was the morning on a Saturday. His eyebrows furrowed and then he rubbed his eyes again. "Oh! Uh, hey," he greeted me as he stepped back from the door to let me in.
"Hi," I responded warily. "How are you doing?" I asked as I turned around to him.
"Tired," he replied as he walked over to his couch and plopped down.
"I didn't wake you did I?" I asked worriedly.
"No, but I did wake up twenty minutes ago," he shrugged before yawning again. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at the clock. 12:47.
"Well um... we should talk... about, ya know, what happened yesterday." I continued cautiously. I honestly had no idea where his head was at.
"No, I get it. It's ok, you don't love me. Like, I get it, it's fine! I probably said it to early or maybe I-" he stopped himself as I sat down beside him. "I..." he trailed off seemingly confused. "No. I said it, I said I love you and I mean it. It's not too early for me because its how I feel and I just want you to know that. Look, Sadie, you might not be able to say it right now, I understand that. I'm not mad, I get it. Whenever you're ready or if you're ever ready I will be ready to hear. But right now I understand. I will always understand because I love you." Suddenly he was very awake. His eyes were only focused on me and his words were heartfelt. Suddenly I just wanted to cry.
My eyes watered up and Finn's happy ones became concerned. "Hey what's wrong?" He questioned as he placed hands on my shoulders.
"I- I just..." I could find words as tears slipped from my eyes. Finn pulled me in a hug and started to calm me down but honestly, it wasn't working. I just wanted to cry more.
This boy probably is regretting every decision right about now. I mean I must look like a train wreck. Finn is so perfect and he tells me he loves me. Even when I don't say it back he understands. He's every kind of perfect yet I find myself here just crying looking like an idiot. Why am I crying?!
I pulled back and looked at my lap as I gathered my words in my head. I looked over at Finn and his eyes were watery. Holy shit this boy is just too much for me, he is amazing.
"Ok." I took in a deep breath and then continued, "I promise you I'm not breaking up with you," I laughed. "I'm crying because, Finn, you are the most amazing boyfriend ever! I don't even deserve you because you are saying all the right things. It is so fucking amazing that you are so understanding. You don't even know what that does to my heart. I'm sorry that it's taking me so long to figure out my emotions, but Finn I know I am so fucking happy with you. And you don't even know how happy it makes me to know that you love me. Like, that is the best! I'm sorry I'm so confusing. And I'm sorry I just cried for no good reason. Or, well... a pretty good reason. I was crying about how great you are. But just give me time because I honestly have no idea what I'd do without you."
Finn was just looking at me with great adoration the whole time and all I wanted to do was just attack him with hugs and kisses. I also really wanted to tell him I loved him but I know it will come at the right time. I know this because Finn is patient and Finn is worth it.
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sorry this took me so long to make. i'm kinda happy with it tho.
