The Outlaw

23

Eric stared, unblinking.

I cleared my throat. "The other bedroom would be for me." Pause. "For when I visit."

Eric nodded. "How do you feel about that?"

A beat of hesitation held my reply. As always, Eric noticed. "It's a safe place, Maddie. You can be honest."

I let out a deep breath. "For one, I feel guilt. Cameron shouldn't be worrying about me at all. This is his chance to finally enjoy a somewhat normal life without having to worry about being a provider."

Again, there was no reaction from Eric other than an eyebrow raise. "He's your family, yes. He cares about you. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Right," I agreed, twisting my lips wryly. "And that's why I also feel relieved." Lifting a shoulder in a self-conscious shrug, I blurted, "This is going to sound very selfish."

"Doesn't mean it's invalid," Eric gently reminded.

I nodded. "I'm relieved because it means that he's still thinking of me. That Talia isn't stealing him from me—so to speak." I admitted shamefully, rubbing my earlobe. "Sometimes when I think about Cam not being nearby, it screws with my head. He's just a brother to me but he is my brother so I kind of see him as mine." Inhaling sharply, I muttered, "In foster care, we stuck with each other. Like, glued to the hip. As far as foster siblings went, I'd hit the jackpot with Cam. He and I were so attuned. At that time, I thought I was... broken. I didn't understand how I could establish a connection with anyone—let alone, someone who wasn't related to me by blood. But we created our own little bubble in that hell. Cameron liked to call it a cathedral, a giant foundation that we were building together. It just feels surreal that he won't be around anymore."

Eric scribbled something on his tablet. Then looked up. "You both have shared history, having experienced similar degrees of childhood trauma. Alongside that, you also share a mutual affection that comes from years of living together. Cameron has become a deep part of your identity that cannot be erased even when he is not present. This is not unusual for sibling relationships, or in your case, fictive kin."

My mouth lifted in one corner. "I'm finding it hard to let go."

Eric shifted in his chair. "You're thinking of your father's death."

My head dipped in a timid nod.

"Understandable. New changes in daily life can trigger past events. Especially, if they haven't been dealt with. It's something we can work out together. I'll help you navigate your breakaway from Cameron, safely, so as not to trigger a self-defence mechanism."

Tension drained away from my shoulders, a protective field of trust encasing the room.

Next on the list: Travis.

"Travis is getting along somewhat better with his father."

Eric didn't know exactly what Travis' father did—only that he betrayed him. That was a secret I would take with me to the grave. Because Travis had trusted me with it.

I knew what Eric was going to ask before he said it. "And how do you feel about that?"

My shoulders dropped an indifferent shrug. "Do I have to feel anything about it? Their reconciliation doesn't concern me."

"Okay. Indulge me, then."

Well, I opened the door. Now I had to walk through it. "Some rifts are too big to heal. Sometimes I think Travis shouldn't accept his apologies at all. That he should break all contact with his father for doing what he did. But rationally I know that mending his relationship with his father while he was still around would be the right thing to do."