Loud Like Love

Chapter Five: Happy You're Gone

'Might be able to find a pedal at Bob's that'll give you a similar effect,' said Nick. 'I think this is a good idea. We can at least give it a go.'

Stuart grinned. 'Good. Cause I already programmed the beat.'

It did work really well. A bit of experimentation was needed, but in the end even Matt had to agree that it suited the song fantastically, and they finished up feeling pretty good about themselves. On the bus back to Windfield Green the feeling passed, however, and Nick grew quiet and morose.

'You okay?' asked Matt, after a few minutes of silence.

'I guess. Not really.' Nick let out a frustrated sound and looked out the window. It was hard to talk about Dave, even with Matt, who had been there for the fallout and knew exactly how he felt. Still, he felt like he owed him the truth, and Matt was good at comforting him. 'I saw Dave and Mel on Saturday. They came by the shop. I was the only cashier at the time, so . . .' He sighed.

Matt put an arm around him, like he always did. 'I'm sorry. That must have been painful.'

'It hurt a lot,' Nick confirmed. 'Felt like I couldn't breathe.' He hesitated. He knew he shouldn't ask about the party, knew it would hurt even more, but he couldn't help himself. 'I'm guessing you guys celebrated his birthday on Saturday. Was it a good party?'

Matt shrugged. 'It was all right. To be honest, much of it's kind of a blur. I got really pissed. The hangover was excruciating. Thankfully, I had Alan to take care of me.'

Nick nodded. 'That's good. I'm happy for you two.' He sighed. 'Who else was there?'

'Nick . . .' Matt squeezed his arm. 'Are you sure you want to hear about this stuff? Won't it just make everything worse?'

Nick sighed again. 'I don't know. I just feel like . . . I need to get over this. I can't just go around avoiding him, hoping that he'll take me back, you know? Which I still am. Every single day, I wake up thinking, maybe today. Maybe he'll call. Maybe he'll forgive me. If he could at least forgive me, if we could be friends again . . . I dunno. It's hard, even thinking about it. Maybe if I know how he's doing, what he's up to, that will help.'

Matt bit his lip. 'If you're sure that's what you want . . . Well, Chas and Ellie were there. Mel of course, as you already know. Some classmates of his from Dorcrest, too. Including Mandi, if you'd believe it. Her dad picked her up at ten, but at least she got to be there for a few hours. She and Mel got on like a house on fire.'

Nick found himself smiling. 'Always thought they would. Glad they finally got to meet.'

'Yeah.' Matt took a breath, and looked like he might say something more, but he didn't.

'You're holding something back, aren't you?'

Matt shook his head. 'Nothing that concerns you. It was a good party. That's all you need to know.'

Suddenly, Nick just knew. He felt it spread through his body like ice, and even though he didn't want to know, didn't want to think about it, he said, 'He's found someone new, hasn't he.'

Matt sighed. 'Nick, stop doing this to yourself.'

'Just answer. Please.'

Matt studied his face. Nick knew he looked stricken, helpless. He couldn't keep his emotions on the inside, not all of them, anyway. 'Yeah,' said Matt at last. 'A bloke from Dorcrest. He . . . He seemed nice. Like he could be good for him, you know?'

Nick nodded, swallowing. 'I'm in no position to judge, with . . . with Brian and everything. I know that.'

'Doesn't mean it can't hurt,' said Matt, giving him a half hug. 'I'm sorry.'