Warriors Of Life

Hyacinths; After Rain

Author: sarunibts

Book Title: Hyacinths

Cover & Title:

I personally think the cover could have been better. The title is going off the cover. The aesthetic is cute, but I think the cover could be altered so it fits the plot of the book more. Also, adding your name/username onto the cover would be a nice addition so it looks more professional.

The title's fine, it's something different.

Description:

I'm going to be blunt, the description is boring and bland. It didn't raise my interest to read the book. There's nothing there to hook your readers in. Another thing is that the description is too short. Tell us more of what the book is about with detail while also hooking us in. Don't be so straight forward. For me at least, that's a total turn off.

Plot:

I like how you started the first chapter, but I can't help but think that the pacing was too fast. And as I read further, I was really thinking that the story was going a little too fast. Maybe slow it down a bit? Gives us more background, a regular day of the female MCs life and then introduce Jin or some sort.

I like the characters and their personalities. I think you did a good job on them and you made them distinct enough so they wouldn't all be the same and boring. They were displayed differently and you made them realistic. Though I felt like they could still be more fleshed out, this is a pretty good start and you're still in the beginning stages of the book so you have time to improve on them.

I love that you put the meaning of the flowers in the book, which on their own tells the story of the two main characters. I really like that kind of stuff and it adds a nice touch to the story.

Diction/Writing Style:

Your writing style is pretty good, but there is always room for improvement. I think your writing style is nice though. You're detailed and descriptive enough to where the reader can get a picture of the scene in their head. I think you executed things nicely. Your writing was clear and smooth. You also have a nice vocab range. 

Grammar:

There are some simple mistakes that can be easily fixed. Just make sure to proofread your work.

You shouldn't use scoff, groan, etc as dialogue tags as it isn't correct.

Example-

"That's not nice," you scoffed.

Should be⤵

You scoffed. "That's not nice."

Since we can't scoff words, we don't use it as a dialogue tag. 

For the most part, your dialogue was constructed correctly though some dialogue could be rewritten as it sounded weird sometimes. You used a lot of italics during dialogue to the point it was overkill, and it kind of annoyed me because where you italicized words it wasn't needed and could have been written normally.

Overall view:

Of all the fanfics I've read that includes romance and goes with the generic feel, I honestly don't like reading that much of romance books/fanfics unless there spiced up and something different. Your book is more on that first route, but it's written nicely and you made it your own. Would totally recommend, it's a cute fun book.

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Book Title: After Rain

Cover & Title:

Cover could be better, same thoughts as the Hyacinths cover.

I like the title. It's new to me and I find it interesting.

Description:

The description is more of describing a scene, though it's not bad and decently may hook readers in, it can be improved on. I would suggest in looking how to write a good description and how to really hook your readers in. Also, just try writing out different descriptions for your book and see which one works best.

Plot:

The plot wasn't something totally new but you definitely added to the plot to make it your own and enjoyable. Characters were displayed nicely, I liked their personalities. They were different from each other which made them more realistic and their interactions smooth. I think you did a good job setting out the characters, though they could use more emotion to them. Don't just describe but be detailed about how they feel so the reader can understand those feelings too. I want to be able to relate to the characters and feel how they feel, which you kind of falter on. 

The plot was clear, I knew what was going on and loved the plot. You know what you're doing and it really shows. You deserve more recognition on your books, you're a pretty good writer with satisfactory plot ideas. It was refreshing and kept my interest. I got absorb in the book as the more I read the more interested and curious I got. You displayed y/ns medical issue, to say, well and it was also educational. Amazing job.

Diction/Writing Style:

Great descriptions, detail, and imagery. Scenes were laid out nicely along with the atmosphere, though you could work more on showing the charters emotions.

Grammar:

When you have a dialogue tag, a comma or an appropriate punctuation mark should be in front of it, not a period.

Example-

"I'll drive you to your apartment." he added.

Should be⤵

"I'll drive you to your apartment," he added.

Overall view:

At first I was kind of iffy about it but as I kept reading I got more interested in the book. The way you set it up makes me want to read more to figure out what happened to the character in the past and what her present outcome is going to be.

Though everyone can still improve, you have a nice writing style and plot ideas which works great together, that's what a reader wants. Not just a good plot, though I still think you can expand and improve your writing some more. I feel like you have some more creativity that you can add to your writing and your books.

I really liked this book's plot, good work! I think it's my favorite book of yours.

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~TheEverythingAwards