A tale of tears and love

The beginning

Authors note,

Due to a busy line of work updates are gonna be few. Story is in my head but there is barely time to put it to paper. Nevertheless i will have the written parts republished as has been requested.

Have you ever experienced a feeling as if you were falling down in a void? A feeling so strange it cannot be put to words, a feeling so burdensome it feels as if a thousand stones weigh on your chest. I was in the city preparing for the start of the ifrst semester of my study. I had just been brought here by my father, brought with this eery silence hanging around us. That silence that didn't make me happy at all. Thinking of my two supremely annying younger brother's a smile Donned my face. Luckily there wasn't a soul going to disturb me here. As there was literally nobody who would ever come into this condo except for me as long as I had the keys. That was the solemn vow I had taken, a vow I had announced to my family during the last dinner I had to endure with them,

"Don't worry mom, dad, I won't let these things blind my mind while studying"

It was pretty good, a predictable life of studying and other stuff, being able to blend into a whole set of people of all kinds of backgrounds. Nobody would even notice me,
As it should be!

I had been busy that whole forgone day with settling in my condo, from putting away my clothes to rearranging the furniture to cleaning the whole place out. Things should be in order, just in order. I had space enough for the since I had a oneperson apartment that was quite sizeable and, off course, equipped with a especially large bookshelf that I had commisioned myself. When my eyes went over the books that were already put into it I saw to my dismay that it was for a large part already filled to the top with all kinds of books. Not surprisingly though, there goes nothing above a good book in the evening, whether it be Asterix and Obelix, Donald Duck or more serious readings books about politics, history etc, don't give me these stupid detective, Science-fiction or stupid romance, that's just a waste of time.
And as I loved music, especially the classics, Beethoven, Bach, Mendelssohn I always had something better to do than stuffing my brain with waste and things that might disturb my life. Aside, There was nothing better than being able to read a book while having some nice music playing in the background. Especially on these long days when I'd come home after a day of school or work and settle down on the sofa to relax, I could just feel the weight disappear from my shoulder.

I had bid my father goodbye just some hours earlier, he had helped me bring my stuff over to the condo. He had given me a ton of food from his bakery so that I had something to survive on the first days so that I had time to explore the city and surroundings, "because nothing can be properly done on an empty stomach". He had left without saying a word, his face marked by the ever present frown that seemed to have grown even larger that morning, he muffled something, but not coming out of his word he gave me an awkward and loose hug before rapidly taking off.

That evening The building was silent, situated on the border of a nice park, where in the middle a large pond housed a bunch of swans and ducks. I could hear the birds chirp even from the open window of my condo as if they were inviting me to join them. And honestly why shouldn't I go for a walk? I was tired to the bone as the day had been pretty exhaustive, but at home I also sometimes took a walk or went for a ride on my bicycle so why not here as well. But this isn't home, who knows what is out there, but I nevertheless stood up.

The corridors were dark and the stairway was only lighted by the weak light of the moon that stood high at the sky. The shadows seemed to dance at the concrete walls, I felt a shiver going down my spine, go back, go back,
N n n no, not this time

Even though the condo officialy stood within the city borders it still bordered the large forest that laid beyond the metropolitan area. It was silent outside, in the distance you could hear the cars running of the highway and see the glow of the citylights, but other than that and the sounds of nature itself it was completely silent. I could become one with my surroundings, nothing disturbing me while the wind blew all the stress and doubts away,

This place, It reminded me of my home, the place I belonged, the old forest that surrounded my old hometown, the sweet smell of freshly cut wood, the smell of fresh bread and other stuff from my father's bakery, the birds that always sat on the roof waiting for something to eat while not realizing they were about to become catfood themselves. It was a good metaphore of my own life, a person persuing something with all his might until that what he persues turns on him and throws his life in chaos and disarray. I was always a bit cautious, just in case, but lately I don't seem to have been cautious enough.

I walked slowly through the grass when suddenly something cold hit my feet, I didn't notice at first though, the only thing I could notice were the beautiful swans swimming in the pond,
When I saw those swans floating freely in the pond a sense of jealousy was difficult to surpress, those animals didn't have to deal with the treachery of other people and the scheming of those wishing to bring down another person. How good must it be to be able to just live your life in peace and harmony? But not matter how much I longed for that reality was harsher, people appearantly weren't to be trusted and life wasn't easy. And no matter how hard I would try that wouldn't change, of course not, I was a single person out of billions of people walking around on the planet, how could I change humankind?

When I contemplated that I felt helpless, what were my choices? What choices would other people make? But before I could give a proper answer I felt something wet getting up my legs, it seemed that in my thoughts I had walked straight into the water, the swans circled around me, curious who dared to infringe on their silent habitat, they were curiously beautiful, I was happy I went out after all,

And  silently I wished for me to be happy and live peacefully like these swans did, it was a wish I made nearly daily, A prayer sometimes prayed more times than one could ever imagine, without avail, I don't know what drove me to pray it one last time, were it maybe the stars that shone brighter, the light of the moon maybe?
Was there still some luck out there for me? Had the life of me, the one and only Kongpob Suthilak still had a chance of getting good? Only time would tell, but walking up the stairs it seemed as if the stars were blinking back at me. But who cared........

I certainly didn't

Written 25th of August 2019

Oke tell me, should I turn this into a story?