𝐅𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫

37

A sharp pain in my stomach woke me up from a some what peaceful slumber. I felt a small panic rise in my stomach as I opened my eyes only to be blinded by bright white lights. My eyes finally adjusted to the practically luminescent walls and I remembered why I was here. My hands gripped the scratchy sheet laid on my lap as I recalled the memories of last night.

Lilah.

My fingers tightened around the cheap, rough material of the sheet as I fought the urge to punch a hole in the blinding white wall. I could feel myself shaking, like pipe bomb trying to hold in an explosion, tears threatened to spill out of my eyes.

I gave in, deep sobs coming from somewhere in my chest ripped out of me, tears came out fast, streaming down my face, my shoulders shook, while I let out gasping noises. I hadn't cried like this ever, it was painful almost, more emotional than a soft cry. I couldn't feel my face by the time I calmed down.

One of the nurses knocked on the door, "C-come in." I sniffled.

I was surprised to see Alex's head pop in through the door way with a concerned look.

Seeing her made me start crying all over, she quietly shut the door before running over to hug me.

She held me tight telling me things quietly cooing that everything will be all right. When I finally quieted down going from raging sobs to soft hiccups here and there.

I pulled away from the hug and felt embarrassed, I wasnt sure why seeing her made me so confused, a wreck, it had barely even been a week and I dont catch feelings that easily. At least that's what I told myself.

"V? Are you ok?" She asked gently placing a comforting hand on my thigh.

Her nails were a vibrant ruby red, not long, but not exactly short, I stared at the color of her nails like a bull would a flag. I chose my words slowly as if I chose the wrong ones they would destroy me.

"Well, Lilah came in. And I told her that we couldn't date until I got my feelings sorted out. That it wasnt fair to me. And she understood but it was hard I've been dating her since highschool and I've almost never had a decent relationship in general, with anyone and I just ended one." I managed to explain.

The silence was thick in the air, i could feel the bags under my eyes, their purple discoloration felt heavy like my eyes were threatening to shut at any moment.

She placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, " Everything is going to be ok, I know you'll be ok, this is going to hurt for a little while but I promise you'll get through this.¨ 

I desperately wanted to believe her, I wanted to think that I could get over this, that in another week I'd be back to normal and not sulking in the bar where I knew I would end up. I couldn't think straight in the moment, I guessed this is what heartbreak feels like. Like someone took a knife and shoved it straight into your chest and twisted it just for the pleasure of watching you struggle through the pain.

Alex was staring at me when I stopped thinking so darkly, her eyes were sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't figure out. I wanted to ask what she was thinking but the words wouldn't form in my mouth. 

She leaned over and whispered, ¨I'm going to leave you alone for now because I think that's what you need but you can always text me.¨ 

I nodded and gave her a small wave as she left the unbearably bright hospital room.

And so, once again, I was all alone, just me, myself, and the voice in the back of my head.