Heartbeat

Twenty Three

For Kate and Daniella.

*

JORDAN

As far as first kisses go, it wasn’t the best I’d ever given. I should have been more assertive.

As far as second kisses go, it was mind-blowing.

After forcing myself to pull away, my mind raced and I could hardly think straight. This girl was driving me insane and all I could think of was kissing her for a third time. And a fourth and fifth time. And a sixth time. I could spend the rest of my life kissing Emma Lane, and I’d know that that is where I’m meant to be. With her.

She looked as sexy as I’ve ever seen her as she curls my hair around her fingers, drawing me to her, holding me as close to her body as possible. I had her pressed up against the wall and not one of us made the first move to separate. I didn’t want to let her go, so I could happily stay here all day and all night, although I’m sure her dad would have something to say about that.

I’m not sure how long we’ve been stood in this embrace, but it feels like time has stopped.

“Jordan?” Emma whispers after I kiss her again. “We need to talk.”

They say that if there’s ever a killer four word sentence for relationships, it’s that one. Not one heart survives ‘we need to talk.’ From the way my heart is beating a million miles a minute, I’m not sure mine will make it out in once piece.

“Ok,” I say tentatively. “What do you want to talk about?”

She laughs quietly, her body shaking beneath mine. “Would I sound vain if I say ‘me’?”

I shake my head. I wanted her to speak about herself. Like I told her before, I wanted to know everything about her and until last night it frustrated me that she wasn’t willing to share it all with me. But so much has changed in the last few weeks, in the last few hours, that it seems like she’s finally ready to trust me.

She rests her palms flat on my chest, above my heart and I’m sure that she’ll see how nervous I am. She smiles as she begins to back me up a little, pushing me to sit on her bed. She stands before me and in that brief second I genuinely think that she’s going to… I can’t think of that. I’m meant to be a proper boyfriend, not the sex mad boy with a one track mind.

Emma brings her computer chair and places it directly in front of me, sitting to face me as her eyes become a shadow of their normal selves. She’s got that distant look to her, and I’m suddenly worried that she’s changed her mind. She doesn’t trust me enough to tell me anything.

“Dr. Warren and I are going to try with this whole therapy thing,” Emma announces as she rolls her eyes at the word ‘therapy’. “It’s bull, of course, but she persuaded me. One of the conditions I stated, though, was that I want to tell you everything, sometimes even before I tell her.”

Nodding, I wait.

“I’ve got baggage,” she whispers and I reach my hand out to touch hers. She lets me hold her there for a few seconds before she pulls away, her eyes watering as she continues. “Some of the stuff is heavy and I don’t expect you to understand it, but I love you, Jordan. And I trust you, ok?”