5SOS Short Stories

Life's Not Fair (Luke)

To lose everything is terrible. You have no feelings left. Like everyone and everything has abandoned you or regarded you as a waste of space. And then that one thing that reminds you of everything that you once had. That one thing that you can't get rid of because it means too much to you. Yet, it reminds you every fucking day of your life how much better it could be before you lost everything.

That's how I feel.

It's so utterly unfair. He did nothing wrong. He never did anything to deserve this. An amazing person put in the worst possible scenario. I don't blame him. I can't blame him. He did everything he should have. I find no fault in him. That's how he had always been. Perfect in my eyes. I guess I could be a little bias because of the love I feel for him. However, I know for certain that he was perfect. I don't blame him. Never can, and never will. 

He was just utterly perfect in my eyes.

The pain comes from her. The soft blonde curls that I ever so love to run my fingers through. The same blue piercing eyes that shine like diamonds against all the pain and suffering in the world. Her laugh as genuine as life itself. She is oblivious to the pain. The sweet one knows not of all that she has lost. It's awful that I will eventually tell her the truth. I don't want to ever tell her for fear of how much she will resent the truth. But believe me, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she knows that I love her. That he loved her. I will do everything in my power to make her even the slightest bit happy. By making her happy I kill myself. She reminds me so much of him. Her smile. Her ever so beautiful smile. Just as gorgeous as his. It kills me to see her every day, while I will never be able to see him again.

The sweet one reflects him so much that it hurts to my very core.

It was her. That pathetic excuse of a wife. The model that everyone thought was stellar. The model that was "elegant" and "poised". He even went as far as to say that she was "perfect". That hurt the most. The one that said "I love you" to him every day before she broke his fucking heart. The one that had his child. The child. The sweet one that I now hold in my hands right now. I envied the woman for having spent five years with him. Five years that I stood in the shadows, supporting him even though it broke me. Five years of tears running down my face because he had chosen another. I never pressed him. He saw me as the friend from school. The one that would always be there for him. I still am here for him. Even if he is no longer here.

The woman had so much, and she let it all fall.

She left him. She left him and never came back. She threw things at him. Promised him that she never cared for him. Told him that she didn't want the child. Told him she had faked it all. A woman out for fame and glory. The one that hurt him the most. The sweet one was one year old then. He knew not what to do. He came to me. Told me what had happened. He cried to me for days. It broke my heart to hear him cry, but also because I knew that she would leave him in the dust. I hate the woman. She is the reason for all of this. I truly and utterly hate her.

I regret ever pretending to like her.

The grandmother can't help. She can't even look at me. She loved the sweet one when she was born. Couldn't keep her hands off of her. Now she can't stand to even talk to me. The sweet one reminds her of him too much. Reminds her of the pain that she has already gone though. Abandoned me and the sweet one. Prevented all contact between us. She left me alone to deal with the pain and sorrow. I'm afraid of the day that I will break. I'm all on my own. The sweet one reminding me of how everyone abandoned me. Of how alone we are in the world. But I push through because of him. I know he would be proud of me. I know he would rather have me being the one that raises the sweet one. I miss him.

I struggle and barely get by, but I do it for him.

He died last year. The sweet one is now three. The plane just had to have a malfunction. He was doing much better too. He no longer worried about how much she had hurt him. You could still see the pain in his eyes, but it was slowly passing. It would always make my day when I was taking care of the sweet one and he would walk into the room. His eyes would light up like hers and everything would seem perfect. His smile would be genuine and it was like heaven on Earth to be in their presence.

But nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. 

It tears me to pieces to know that I never got to tell him. That he will never be able to hear me say it. Even after that year that the woman left him. Even after a year of taking care of the sweet one for him. I never got the chance to say it. He was too busy. I didn't blame him either. He needed something to take his mind off of things. I just regret not being able to tell him. I know the sweet one will miss him. I know she already does. I had the picture of him and I on my phone's lock screen. When she saw it her face lit up and she had spoken her first words, "Da da".  It broke me. It truly broke me. 

Love will remember you and I, as well as all of the others.

I never told him. I'm not sure what his response would have been. I know for sure he thought of me as a friend, but I thought of him as more. I now am the legal guardian of his only daughter. The sweet one's mother is married to another man now, and living "happily" with their new child. How I resent her. He's now gone. Perished from the Earth because of a plane malfunction. The sweet one lives with me in his flat. I couldn't get myself to sell it or move his or her stuff out. It makes me feel like he is still here. I miss him, and I wish I could have told him before he left.

Life's not fair. Though you never got to hear me say it, believe me now and forever.

I love you, Lucas Robert Hemmings.