Sands of Time

Rapture

When Name left I didn't know what to do. Everything was so different.Name had left me a candle and a mirror like dish to set the candle onand matches. I could figure those out pretty easily and so began tofamiliarize myself with her home. There was one door that was closedand I would not enter it. I didn't know if she was okay with meopening it or it was private, she didn't remember me. To her I was astranger, and in a lot of ways she was to me as well. Her soul wasthe same but there was no way to know how different she was to whoshe once was, she had my heart, it was always her's but there was noguarantee that her's would still be mine. But I would worry of thatlater.

I saw not just the room I was in and the food preparation area, thekitchen and living room. Though only she lived here she used anentire room to make her food, the big cold closet she called a fridgeor refrigerator, and there was extremely cold which she called afreezer.

She also had a room which she had shown me last night to relievemyself. A toilet, a place to wash as well and a place where youturned a handle and water fell from it. A bathroom. It reminded me ofthe place I was when mother had found me.

Mother...

Without my permission thoughts of my family slip through. My parentsand sisters, as well as my three nieces and two nephews. My middlesister had three children and my youngest had two. My parents used totease that they should have had another child so they would have onewith one grandchild to complete the pattern.

I remember mother, my mama, who was always there. From when she wouldplay with my with her shadows, I followed her hugging her legs, orwhen I was older and would go to her for advice and I was alwayspulled to her. I was always close to her and it was strange to manywhen they learned what goddess I felt closest to, expecting it to beeither Ra, Isis or Horus, even more when I was not taken over byHorus when I became pharaoh. Though I could feel a push one way oranother during my duties, which I always did so, knowing it wasHorus. A older brother and very kind the few times I felt him. Onceor twice I saw him, his sharp golden eyes set my soul up, he demandedrespect with even speaking or making a movement. Yet I felt safe andcared for with him, a good leader.

I thought when I took over the throne I would become nothing but avessel for him. I did not mind it, I would gladly be nothing but avoice in my own head, I could trust that I would see my family as myfather did as well, and would love my children even if from afar, andcould trust I would see Nephthys still. Instead he did not take overme always and just pushed me, that since I listened he had no need totake me over nor wish to.

I wouldn't ever admit it but I was glad that I would have someautonomy. Though willing to give it up didn't mean I wantedto.

The thought that I would never have met Nerfert then, never had ourchildren, frightened me, chilled me to the bone. But I had, andthough they were long gone now I knew now that they had good lives.Lived long lives with love and children. I had lived long enough toknow all my children, unlike my wife but knew they and thegrandchildren lived good lives. After they had all died and therewere generations that I had never met she would visit only rarely.

Was mother a she or a he? I had always known her as mother, mama, butwhen she showed up to me it was a he. I didn't want to ask, aftereighty seven years how could I suddenly ask her about it. My entirelife seeing Nephthys and then just one time I saw her...him...as'Ashe' which was so strange to me with him now being a stranger inmany ways and in others I still saw the goddess that was a parent tome.