We All End Up In Purgatory

I Didn't Even Tequila [9]

Wynonna realized that she had about 52 hours before Waverly and Nicole came home. They'd expect the house to still be standing, preferably clean and organized. They'd also expect Purgatory to still be in one piece, no casualties and no big event for Waverly and Nicole to clean up. Wynonna still wanted to have fun, of course, but in what form would that fun take? She could go to Shorty's or even Pussy Willows and get absolutely shit-canned. Or she could invite Doc over. He'd probably like some fun. Whatever. She figured that all of those options required talking to people so, she'd stay in bed for a few more hours, watching The Great British Bake Off, laughing at the ridiculousness that was flashing across her screen.

While under the blankets, she thought about what she could do to pass some of the time. She was bored without Waverly and even though she hated to admit it, she missed Nicole too. Doc didn't get her jokes and he certainly couldn't come up with any comebacks worthy of celebration. She debated for a while calling Mercedes to see what she was doing, but she decided that the last time she and Mercedes had gone out together, things didn't exactly go to plan. She almost texted Doc, but he was being oddly distant, and she really didn't feel like opening up that Pandora's Box right at that very moment. Wynonna caught a glimpse of a shiny black dome hanging from a hook on her closet door. She mischievously smiled and quickly rose from the bed, skipping over to the object that was hanging there, enticing her to come over and investigate.

Wynonna held the curious thing in her hands, seeing her reflection in the visor. Her motorcycle helmet. She hadn't ridden her bike in a while and she sure as hell missed it. The wind in her hair, the feeling of the engine humming directly under her. What a perfect idea. It would, of course, be made even more perfect if she had some whisky to go with it. What a coincidence. Doc had just dropped off a few bottles left over from Shorty's. Oh, this was going to be fun.

Wynonna opened her closet, picked out her finest pair of black pants, the tightest shirt she could find, and it would all be topped off with her black boots and her leather jacket. She missed motorcycle Wynonna and it felt good to see her in the mirror once more.

After pulling the bike out of the barn and putting some new oil and gasoline in their respective tanks, she popped open a bottle of whisky, her mouth beginning to water as she got whiffs of the serum. She took a few hard sips and licked her lips, only after saying thank you to the whisky for tasting so nicely. She slipped her helmet on, started the bike up and revved a couple times. Now, thisis what Wynonna called fun.

She tore up the driveway and onto the always empty highway that led out of Purgatory. She only planned on riding for a few hours maybe, just enough to get a thrill but before she got bored or tired. As soon as she passed the Purgatory sign, she opened up the throttle, flying down the road at an alarming speed. She assured herself that there was no way that Nedley was this far outside Purgatory lines and he was acting as interim sheriff while Nicole was on vacation, so he was probably otherwise occupied. She decided that she was going to be fine and nothing was going to go badly.

After about 45 minutes, she felt the buzz from the whisky wear off. She decided to pull off the road and take a few more swigs, just enough to feel a buzz but not too much so she couldn't see the double lines in the road. She called this "the perfect buzz". This was classic Wynonna starting to show herself again. How she missed her dear old friend.

She slowly but surely started up her motorcycle again and proceeded down the highway once more. Wynonna loved the feeling of the wind on her face, she smelled the burning of gasoline, and the feeling of the sun on her knuckles as she gripped the handlebars. She felt free from the pressures of Purgatory and free from the super bad guys that were constantly trying to ruin her day. Sirens sounded. She turned and looked over her shoulder to see a cop car tailing closely behind. She debated for a second punching the gas and engaging in a police chase, but that would surely piss Waverly off, so she pulled over and waited for the officer to come up to her.

"Wynonna." A raspy voice came from behind her. She knew who it was and playfully put her hands up as if she was surrendering.

"Randy frickin Nedley! How are you? Funny to see you all the way out here." She knew she was screwed. She reeked of whisky and she was riding entirely too fast, 100% illegal stuff.

"Wynonna I don't know what you're up to so just tell me before I have to force it out of you." He sounded impatient but also like he's done this dance with her a thousand times before.

"I was just out for a drive, it's a nice day ain't it?" She swung her leg over the bike to get off but she stumbled when her foot came back to the ground. Shit.

"Wynonna. Are you drunk?"

"No... not at all. Me? Drunk? Absolutely not. I don't get drunk. I'm Wynonna frickin Earp." She tried to walk towards Nedley but fell, landing on her hands and knees.

"Get up Wynonna. Walk on these double lines and then take a breathalyzer test. If you're above the legal limit, you're coming to the station with me."

The brunette got up, very slowly, and tightrope walked the yellow line that was streaked down the road. It clearly required more fine motor skills than Wynonna had at the time, so consider that test a failure. Next, was the breathalyzer test. Wynonna knew in the back of her mind she was going to fail. She drank at least two-thirds of her whisky on the drive, not counting the whisky she drank before she started.

She wrapped her lips around the plastic mouthpiece and blew until the machine beeped, having reached a verdict. The breathalyzer machine read 1.01, very much over the legal limit.

"Jesus Wynonna," Nedley was clearly shocked and upset, "You could've killed yourself or someone else. Do you know how much trouble you could've been in?"

Wynonna looked at the ground, clearly disappointed in herself. Then Nedley dealt the final punch.

"Waverly is going to be so upset when I call her." Wynonna quickly looked up, inducing a dizzy spell and proceeded to plead with Nedley not to call Waverly. She was going to be so mad. Wynonna clearly didn't think this one through.

"Nedley! Come on! I didn't even tequila!"

"Wynonna, it doesn't matter. You were driving drunk and going way too fast. Leave the bike here, or call someone to come get it and you're going to have to come with me."

Wynonna was disappointed in herself that she couldn't get out of this situation. She called Doc and asked him to find someone to come get her bike because he definitely can't ride it. She texted Waverly too, telling her that she was trying to have some fun. She got into the cop car and thankfully, Nedley didn't put her in the backseat behind the bars. She rode up front all the way back to Purgatory. Nedley walked with Wynonna into the station and into the holding cell and even though Wynonna protested being in the cell, it was protocol after all and Nicole was going to have paperwork to fill out, so it was best to stick to standard drunk Wynonna operating procedure.

As Wynonna sat on the hard, cold concrete of the cell, she heard Nedley call Waverly and told her the news. You could tell that Waverly's reaction probably wasn't calm.

"Shit." Wynonna muttered under her breath and closing her eyes, waiting for hangover to hit.