BEFORE THE STARS, I Knew Jackson Maine

Breakfast

I pull fresh biscuits from the oven. An appetizing aroma fills the air. I hear the bustle of guests arriving. It's Jackson. Ugh! That awful, vampirish woman is with him. Her voice is unmistakable. Mom is greeting them at the door.

"Oh, bless!" I'm not ready yet. I've been slaving in this kitchen all morning. Jackson said he misses home cooking, so he is in for a treat this morning. There's something erotic about cooking for him.

I rush to my room, rip off my night clothes and rummage through my closet. A one piece, linen jumper? Jeans and a peasant top with bare mid drift? Ohh a summer dress! I slip on the silk garment. It has spaghetti straps and daisies over a blush pink background, it stops at my mid thigh.

At the top of the stairs, I look down, Jackson has on jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. My body pulses with arousal. Everyone is standing in a circle talking. Mom, Duke, Jackson, that awful Vicky woman and two more from their road crew.

Jackson's eyes are so deep and soulful. He's there with everyone but his mind is wandering. His eyes drift up, I inhale and hold my breath. The fingers on my right hand rest on my stomach. He smiles and I race down.

"Jackson!" He bear hugs me. His presence is too big for a regular house. It's larger than life, the minute he's in the room, everything lights up. Even mom looks flustered.

We sit around the kitchen table. The dishes can't be passed quickly enough. Our guests are like human vacuum cleaners. I'm becoming concerned that there won't be any left for dad when he returns from hunting.

"Well, I don't know about you but I can't fit another bite." Jackson pats his stomach. "I've tried. It's done." Everyone laughs. He's like a forcefield. You can't be near him without feeling it pull you in.

"You still have Garrison?" He asks about my horse. I nod. "I'd love to see him." His voice is so low and calm. He's not drunk this early, but he still doesn't open his mouth all the way. He mumbles slightly. It makes me want to get close to him and listen intently.

Mom is entertaining the visitors as only a southern woman can. Not Jackson, of course. He's not a visitor, he's home. She's asking all about them. They have their cellphones out showing her photos. Deep down, everyone wants the attention a mom like her is capable of.

Jackson and I slip out. It's a long way to the stables. Half way there, my feet start to suffer.

"Poor choice in shoes." He's laughing at my thin sandals. "Come on." He offers me his back.

"Jackson, I'm too big for a piggyback ride."

"You are not. Hop on." We count to three, I jump and he lifts. I hold his neck, my dress is hiked up, I feel exposed and indecent. I love it.

He sets me down next to the gate. We're too close to deny it. I run my hands up his chest. He removes his jacket, it's too hot for that now.

"Savannah, what happened yesterday, it's..."

"It's great." I reach my arms around his neck and press into him.

"I don't know, Savannah. My life is, um.."

"I don't care." I mash my lips against his.

"It's complicated. I don't want you to get hurt." He's shaking his head and holding me at arm's length.

"What's complicated? That woman?" Emotions well up in my chest.

"Don't cry, pretty girl." He hugs me.

"But I love you." I look up at him, desperately. "And you love me too. I know you do. I can feel it." I latch onto him.

"Of course I love you." He manhandles me by the shoulders and looks in my eyes. "If I didn't love you, I'd lay you down on that bail of hay over there and ravish this body." He's growling and fondling my hips and thighs. I moan loudly.

"But I can't." He's breathing heavy, visibly shaken.

"Oh, you can. You really can." I arch my back over his arms that are around me, holding me up "Pleeez."

"What are you doing to me, you bad, bad little thing." There's a struggle in his voice. I can feel it in his touch. He's weak, I can win. I move my body against his in a sensual motion.

He walks me back until we tumble to the ground. He's on top of me. My dress is up around my hips, the straps are off my shoulders.

"You want me to fuck you right here?" His voice is aroused and angry in my ear. "Hmm? Want me to defile you and take your innocence right now? Outside?"

I'm writhing up and down beneath his weight. "Yeah," I groan. His aggression is making me so hot but deep in my heart, I want loving Jackson too.

"And when my tour bus rolls away, Savannah? How are you going to feel then?" He stands up, he's looking down at me. "You don't have it in you to be a groupie and I'll never be what you need."

He's walking away. I stay down, I need to compose myself but it's not coming together. I stand up, my legs are shaking.

"Is that what you do to that woman?" He turns, I'm terrified of upsetting him, of losing him. But I can't contain myself.

"What?"

"What you said." I'm breathing hard. I've never said it out loud before. He looks confused. It's so natural to him, the impact it has on me doesn't even register. "Fuck!" I say. My face burns red. My hand covers my mouth, I look up for the lightning bolt. Jackson laughs. Hard.

"Yeah, I've fucked Vicky and about a thousand other woman in the last two years." He stares at me. He knew that was going to hurt me, but thinks it's what I need to hear.

We're walking back. It's much different than on the way there. My heart is in shock.

"How are your feet?"

"Fine." I put my hand out to block him, he's not picking me up. No way.

You can't walk like that."

"Yes I can. Pain is something I've learned to live with since the day you left." The reaction on his face makes my heart twinge. It looks as though he'll cry. I'm definitely going to cry, I just need to go where no one can see.