Let Me Hold You

Prologue

I'd known for a while that I liked my best friend. I loved him. His eyes, his smile, his humour, his childishness and the general way he made me feel. He made me feel cared for, loved even though he wasn't gay, it was brotherly love - but it made me feel better knowing he loved me in some way.

I wish I could tell him how I feel but I can't pull myself round to do so, it'll ruin our friendship, I would lose one of the people that meant the most to me. I would rather we were just friends than lose him altogether.

But why would he judge you? He's your best-friend! A voice in my head said. Tell him how you feel, it may make you feel a lot better if he knows.

"I can't. What could I say? 'Hi, by the way I'm gay and I love you' can I say that? No!"

Tell him you have something on your mind then explain everything to him.

There was a clatter downstairs and mumbled voices. "Noah, little help," I heard Caleb shout. I ran down the staircase of our frat house to be met by Caleb clinging to a limp Jacob, holding him up so he wouldn't fall over.

"What the hell happened?" I asked as I put my arm around him, helping him support my best friend.

"I found him wondering down the street when I was on my way back. He was holding onto a wall trying to keep himself upright. He was holding a bottle of vodka," he paused. "This breakup has affected him badly."

Jacob drakes of booze, him and his girlfriend had broken up after three years which resulted in him sinking to drown his sorrows.

Look, he needs you. He needs someone to love him. Now could be your chance, Noah.

"Shut up," I mumbled to the voice in my head.

"What?" Caleb asked confused.

"Nothing, come on Jake," I said picking him up in a broad lift. "Thanks for bringing him home. I didn't even notice he'd  gone out."

"Just keep an eye on him, make sure he sobers up properly and give him water before he goes to sleep."

I nodded and headed upstairs to Jacobs room. I lay him down on the bed in the recovery position so he wouldn't choke if he was sick. Heading out the door I was met by Caleb holding a pint glass of water, a bucket and some towels. I nodded to say thank you before heading back into Jacobs room. I placed the glass down on the bed side table and the bucket and towels on the floor.

"C'mon Jake," I said lifting him so he was sitting up right. "Drink this." I said as I offered the glass of water but he just shook his head and pushed it away. "Please. It'll make you feel better."

"I want to sleep, let me sleep," he flopped back down onto his bed.

"Sit up, you need to drink this," I pulled him with all my strength to get him back up. I'll force you if you don't." He just shook his head and started to flop back down but I fought him to stay upright pressing the glass to his mouth and tipping it forcing him to drink it. Well I say drink it most of it went down his T-shirt but at least he drank some, right?

"I hate you," he said when I took the glass away.

"You can sleep now," I said pulling his shirt
off him and laying him back in the recovery position, I pulled his blankets over him and he was asleep in seconds.

I sat on the chair in his room so I knew he was okay and wasn't going to try and go out again, the Tv was on low and I heard him starting to stir in his sleep, small mutters escaped his lips. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping even though he was pale from the amount of alcohol he had consumed he still managed to look beautiful. I stayed there most of the night just watching him, making sure he was okay. I was too worried to leave him and go and retire to my room even though it was right next door I wasn't leaving him. Not tonight.

***