incomplete

wondering

hoping that you would miss me as much as i miss you.

wondering if you miss me as much as i miss you.

probably not.

i miss you so much that each time i hear your name, there's a part of my chest that squeezes.

i miss you so much that i wouldn't dare to say that to you personally.

my feelings for you are still as strong as they were before,

i was lying when i said that they were fading away.

they might be.

but i miss you so much that i hate every single person that gets to spend more time with you.

i miss you.

i wish you were here.

in my arms.

back where we started.

full of hope and happiness.

were you really that unhappy?

were you really upset with how i was?

i'm better now without you,

or is it that you're better now without me?

was it all my fault?

was it all me?

i just wish that you had loved me until the very end.

but it felt like you were just using me for attention.

i just wanted one thing and you knew that.

yet you still took advantage of me.

hopefully things will cool down.

hopefully i will be able to move on,

these feelings dying away.

i wish you were here.

wondering when you would come back versus realizing that you will never come back.

i wish you were here.

but only i would be happy.

that's not what i want.

i want to be happy that you're happy without me.

that you're so open without me.

but i can't help this evilness, this bitterness inside of me.

you're everywhere i go.

i see you everywhere,

i hear your voice everywhere,

your touch still apparent on my skin.

i miss you.

i love you.

can i have just one last i love you?

one last kiss?

one last meal?

maybe another hug?

maybe another forehead kiss?

if i would go back,

i would do it all over again.

even if we moved too fast.

even if i was so desperate for someone's love to make me feel validated.

even if i was so needy, so clingy for your attention.

i wouldn't trade those memories for the world.

i love you.

and i miss only the memories now.

just kidding.

i still miss you, just a little less than before.