PARADISE//mitchel cave

chapter sixteen

"That's not the worst part," I knew Mitchel wasn't ready for what I was about to say. I don't think even I was ready, I've never actually said it out loud.

"After that I didn't want to see him so I locked myself in the bathroom so he couldn't come in." I started getting choked up again, I turned my legs so that I was across Mitchel. So that I could look at him while I spoke. I held my head up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He had one arm around my back and the other draped over my legs.

"And for a while he pounded on the door and I just sat in there and cried. But it wasn't bad and I thought he'd eventually give up and go to bed and then we could talk when he was sober. He was his worst when he was drunk." I dropped my arms and fiddled them in my lap.

"And eventually he gave up and went somewhere else. I waited like two hours before coming out." My voice was breaking and I had to take so many breaks to keep from crying.

"When I went into our bedroom he was still awake, just sitting on the edge of the bed with a bottle in his hand." Mitchel rubbed up and down my back, realizing how hard this was for me. "He got up and threw the bottle at the wall. He was so mad, I didn't even know what to do. I didn't know if I should've run or tried to comfort him. So I just froze and stood there."

This was going to be impossible to get through. "And when he got to me I didn't even know what to do. I just stood there."

Why did I just stand there? I was positive I was shaking at this point. "He grabbed my arm and just threw me down onto the bed." I should've fought harder.

"He started just beating the shit out of me. He was hitting me in the face, the stomach, just every piece of me. I felt so broken and weak, I couldn't even move. It hurt to breathe. Every move I tried to make sent pain through my whole body." I choked out, tears steadily running down my face at this point.

Mitchel held me so close, like he was scared I would fall apart if he let go. "I felt so helpless Mitchel, you don't understand." I was practically sobbing out my words at this point. I tried to keep any ounce of composure. He rubbed my back in an attempt to soothe me. "He got on top of me," I don't think I could get through this I was crying too much.

"And I tried to get him off, I swear I did but everything hurt so bad. I told him to get off, I told him not to touch me." Mitchel laid his head on top of mine, pulling me into his chest as much as he could. "He just..." I didn't want to say it. "It didn't matter what I did, I was too weak. He just... he kept going. I kept crying and he just.... kept going." I was hysterical.

Mitchel just held me close as I sobbed into his chest. He didn't know what to say and I didn't expect him to. Jake's relentless actions played on a loop in my head, I could picture my helpless body like a doll laying on the bed.

"Baby, I am so sorry you had to go through that." He pulled his head back so he could look at me. I wiped at my eyes desperately, meeting his gaze. "I'm so sorry my love," he pulled me back in. He was speechless, I could tell.

Tears ran steadily down my face but I was no longer sobbing. "I never want you to feel unsafe with me. I will always protect you." I really did believe him, but I still just felt so horrified of Jake.

"I didn't move for three days, I just fucking lied there, frozen. I just felt so.... broken." I was staring into space, reliving it again and again. I was so fucking helpless it was sickening. "I don't want you to ever feel this pain baby, let me help you." I didn't know how he could help. "I don't think there's anything you can do. Just don't let go, please." He tightened his grip, "of course.

I felt so numb now. I had been in that room for three days when Jake came back in. I remember the sight of him sent me into a state of shock, I was so scared. But all he did was help me shower and made me a meal, like he was apologizing for what he did. It was sickening, and I really thought it meant he felt bad and maybe that he would change now.