Romanogers - Oneshots

But I love you

She saw it in slow motion. Panic enveloped her as she realised what was about to happen. She wanted to scream, yell, anything that would warn him of what was about to happen. She was moving too slowly, like she was walking through syrup. She wasn't going to get there in time.

The bullets ricocheted off the metal of the bunker. One two three.
The first one hit him on the bicep. She saw him yell, but he kept fighting.
The second embedded itself in his calf. He dealt a blow to the soldier he was up against and limped away, just as the third hit his stomach. He collapsed to the ground.

If it was possible to run faster, Natasha did just that. She could save him. She would. She had to. As she reached him she could feel the panic rising inside her, but forced it down. There was so much blood. Not that she was afraid of blood. She grew up in the 'Red Room', after all, where there sure hadn't been a shortage. But seeing gallons of it spattered on the snow, pulsing out of gaping orifices, peppered in the body of one of her best friends, was not to be expected.

She dragged him to a sheltered area, under a small overhang near the fighting.
"What do you think you're doing, Rogers, getting shot like that? Being a bit too greedy with your bullets I think." She tried to keep it light, mostly for herself, but it fell flat. He grabbed her wrist as she knelt down beside him.
"I'm dead meat, Nat. Go and help the others, they need it."
"Not as much as you." She replied, pushing down on the source of the gushing as he winced.
"Natasha. Three gunshot wounds. And that gushing tells me at least one is a main artery. Help someone who has a chance of surviving."
"Do you hear yourself when you talk? You're not dying, Steve. Not here, not today. We just need to get you to a-"
"Please. It's too late." He tries to persuade her.
"NO." She ignores him. "It's not. We can still-"
"Nat."
"If I could just stop this blee-"
"Natasha. Please. I'm dying. Stop." He pushes her hands off his stomach, and takes one in his two. She looks at him. Tears bead on her lashes. Steve wants to brush them away more than anything, but he's too weak. He coughs, and blood spills out of his mouth.

"But I love you." She whispers. His eyes widen, but then he relaxes and kisses her knuckles.
"Oh Nat." He rasps, lifting his other hand to stroke her face. It's becoming more and more difficult to breathe. The blood cloggs up his throat. There's so much of it. It stains the snow crimson. By now she's kneeling in a little pool, her whole suit stained with the stuff, but she doesn't notice. She can feel her head spinning. This can't be happening. Not to Steve. Not to her. Not again. "Oh Nat. I," He struggles. "Love," He just needs these words. He doesn't care what happens after, he just needs to get these words out. Then he'll be ready. "You," That's when her tears start flowing. "Too." He gives a tiny nod, and then his grip on her hand loosens, the energy draining out of his body.
"Please. Please don't leave me. Steve! Please!" Her voice heightens to a scream as she shakes him. He goes slack, his eyes still wide open, drained of all life, staring at her. What once were orbs of deep blue, the reflection of the azure sky on sea waves, are now those of watery grey, a muddy lake under thunder clouds.

"No. No no no no no. NO!" The blood stops running.
Natasha feels like dying too. She wants to take a gun, put it to her head, and pull the trigger, but she doesn't. She leans over him, shaking him, begging him to stay.
"Stay with me. Please." She sobs into his chest. "Don't leave. Don't leave me alone. I need you." But he's already gone.

Later, when the battle's over, the other's find them. At first they think they're both dead. Natasha lies next to him, bathed in his blood, still clutching onto his hand, staring straight ahead, her eyes empty. Only when they go to pick her up to they notice she's still alive. Human touch seems to awaken her. She jerks and they jump back.
"Natasha?"
"Steve..." She whispers.
Tony's voice breaks, and he swallows. "Steve...Steve's dead."
She flinches. "No...he's not. Don't say that."
"We need to get back to the compound, Nat."
"I'm not leaving him."
"You have to. I'm sorry, but the medics need to take him now."
She tightens her grip as the said medics appear, a black bag in hand.
"No. You can't take him!" She screeches. Tony goes over, pulls her back as he's taken away.
"Let him go."
"No. Please no. He can't be gone, he -" She collapses into Tony's arms, who looks stricken. His face is screwed up, holding in his own grief. Some of the others turn away; they can't watch this. Wanda has her arms wrapped around herself, hugging her shoulders, as tears slide down her face and she sniffs. Natasha pushes Tony away and drops to the ground. She burys her head in her hands and lets out a cry so raw and tortured the others struggle to hold in tears.

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She jerks awake, breathing hard. When will they stop? When will her brain stop tormenting her, forcing her to relive every second of agony she feels at his death? She sees him when she closes her eyes, even for a second, even when she blinks. His eyes, dead, drained of life, stare at her. She stills feels his blood. It sticks to her skin and her clothes, and she has to rub her eyes, grate palms against cheeks, scrape nails along arms, to remind herself it's not there anymore, the blood is no longer caked beneath her cracked nails. She still feels the pressure, the last squeeze he gave her hand before drifting away. She still hears his last words; they echo in her head. She claps her hands over her ears to make it stop, but it just gets louder inside her head. He loves her. Loved her: She has to keep reminding herself he's gone. The first time that phrase was uttered it was relief, salvation, almost music to her ears, despite the circumstances. But now it's the worst form of torture. It just reminds her of all that she can't have, that could have been. All that they missed out on. All the wasted time and missed opportunities. These reminders wrack her body with pain. Sometimes she can't breathe from it.

He's gone.

He's never coming back.

But I love him...

A lot of crying in this chapter, wasn't there? Mmm. I hope it hurt.

This may not be all that coherent, but whatever.