Ineffable Daughter (Good Omens AU)

S1 - C4

Wednesday

"Where has he got to? Is he in here...somewhere? There he is! Ha! This-"

Aziraphale drops his cards, Rachel cringing as she stood next to Crowley.

"We'll come back to that one. You see, it's me old top hat. But, wait."

Aziraphale waves the wand and taps his hat, looking down.

"What's this? Could it be our old furry friend, Harry the Rabbit?"

Rachel giggles, shooting her Papa a supportive grin, which drops when;

"It was in the table."

"You said there was gonna be a celebrity magician. I had Penny and Teller at my party, and I had a silent disco, and I got a-"

"You're rubbish."

"Excuse me, Excuse me. He's right, you know. You are actually rubbish."

Rachel flared her nostrils, looking at Warlock, the boy, and girl...

And a food fight starts, everyone shouting.

"A bit unnecessary Darling," Crowley says, though he's clearly smirking at her.

"Serves them right for talking shit about Papa. So what if it's not the best, he enjoys it!" Rachel grumbles.

"Yeah well, they don't understand that," Crowley says as they leave, Aziraphale following.

X

"It was all a bit of a disaster, I'm afraid," Aziraphale says, before being firmly hugged by Rachel.

"You were amazing Papa! Those privileged, spoiled brats don't know when to appreciate small things."

"Nonsense. You gave them all a party to remember. Last one any of them will ever have, mind."

While the two attempts to cheer Aziraphale up (who smiles and hugs back Rachel), he pulls out the dove and Rachel taps it, bringing it back to life (to balance out the temptation she did with the food fight).

"It's late."

"Comes of putting it up your sleeve."

"No. The Hell Hound. It's late." Aziraphale says, as they get in the Bentley.

Hello Crowley.

The angel, demon, and angel-demon hybrid tenses.

"Uh, hi. Who's this?"

Dagon, Lord of the Files, Master of Torments.

"Yeah, just checking in about the Hell Hound."

He should be with you by now.

The three look at each other in shock and internal horror.

Why? Has something gone wrong, Crowley?

"Wrong? No, no. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? Oh, no, I see him now, yes. What a lovely, big helly Hell Hound. Yes, ok, great talking to you."

Crowley hangs up, the silence between all of them looming in.

"No dog," Aziraphale says.

"No dog," Crowley says.

"Wrong boy."

Crowley takes a breath.

"Wrong boy."

Rachel sighs, covering her face.

"Fuck."

X

"Armageddon is days away, and we've lost the Antichrist."

They were back at Aziraphale's bookshop, Aziraphale pouring them some scotch (Rachel's of age but she doesn't really drink that much...today's an exception though).

"Why did the powers of Hell have to drag me into this anyway?"

"Well don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure it's because of all those memos you kept sending them, saying how amazingly well you are doing," Aziraphale says as he hands Crowley and Rachel their glasses.

"Is it my fault they never check-up? I'm to blame they never check up? Everyone stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office. You know that."

Rachel's half paying attention to the bickering, taking a sip of the scotch.

"Yes, but you told them you invented the Spanish Inquisition and started the Second World War."

"So the humans beat me to it. That's not my fault."

Rachel's about to say something when she tenses, sticking out her tongue, furrowing her eyebrows as Crowley sniffs.

"Something's changed."

"Oh, it's a new cologne. My barber suggested it."

"N-Not you. I know what you smell like."

Rachel, again, still only half paying attention to their bickering, stands up, her tongue flickering in and out of her mouth, trying to catch the scent...

Oh.

"Oh no..."

"The Hell Hound has found its master."

"Are you sure?"

"I felt it. Would I lie to you?"

"Well, obviously. You're a demon. That's what you do."

"Ouch Papa, I'm 40% angel too, don't forget that," Rachel says, crossing her arms.

She's teasing, of course, but she kinda suspects that Aziraphale forgets that Rachel isn't purely just demon.

Mostly, yes, but not 100%.

"No, I'm not lying. Neither of us are. The boy, wherever he is, has the dog. He's named it. It's done. He's coming into his power. We're doomed."

Rachel's eyebrows furrowed, hugging her arms.

"Well, then...welcome to the end times," Aziraphale says, causing her to sigh.

Yeah...welcome to the end times.