Walking through the mall, she encountered her favourite perfume shop and decided to take a look inside for the fifth time this week. She could never pass by without going in. It just smelled too good.
However this time, a scent hit her. Something she had smelled before. She stopped at the door, overwhelmed by nostalgia of this mysterious scent. It made her think of October 2018, it seemed like years ago, but it was only 9 months ago.
October 2018. What a mess. Some days she felt so heavy. She was a beetle trapped under a rock of constant sadness and loneliness, not wanting to leave her room, staying in bed until 5 and not eating for hours on end. Waiting and waiting for the day she got invited to meet up with her friends, but she always ended up waiting a while. Darkness engulfed her on her worst days and she could not see the light.
She wanted company, a friend who would be there, a friend who would be near, a friend who would understand.
Her inner demons really came out in October. untangling themselves in the most gruesome and horrific ways, like a sea monster emerging from a swampy lake, just so she could suffer. But then again, she wanted herself to suffer, didn't she? Isn't this what she deserved? It probably was, although she could never think straight. her mind was full of meaningless words which she couldn't even understand herself.
The memories of sitting in the park having a panic attack came flooding back to her. How her friend held her tight and told her it would be okay. She really took all the worries away. The wind seemed less strong. The sun shone a little brighter.
However her life wasn't just misery. She had good days. Once in a while, when she did see her friends, it was like finally getting a break from days, weeks of unmotivation. It felt amazing. Refreshing. It sometimes seemed like a new start.
Since October, things have gone up and down. In November, she made a goal to do one positive thing everyday. In December, she celebrated Christmas and had a lot of fun at school. In January, she set herself goals to become the best she could be. In February, a dream told her it would be better, however she seemed trapped. In March and April, life went on, pretty uneventful. Since then she's continued to develop her friendships, while also working on ehrslef and trying to check on others. Things have gone wrong. Things have been good. Life goes on.
Over the months, anxiety and paranoia has crept up on her like a shark on its prey. It has really made simple tasks difficult while also having lasting effects on her friendships. She's had to tackle obsticles. She's became close to her friends, while drifting from others. But it's all part of life.
"Uhh, miss? Can I help you?" she was snapped back to reality by a concerned looking man. Realising she had been standing in the doorway of the perfume shop, she mentally slapped herself. Instead she politely smiled and made her way into the shop.
If October had taught her anything, it's that there's always light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to be brave enough to follow it through.
