Queen of Gorgeousness

Bittersweet Desires

"Not everyone is the same Hermione."

"I'm grateful to you and the others. You have kept me safe. When I'm with you it's like all my problems melt away. I know it's silly to think like that but I do. You guys can't protect me forever and just because you haven't been there and seen things from my point of view doesn't mean it hasn't happened. There may well be someone different out there but if there is, chances are he won't want me."

"Who doesn't want you?"

"It is neither here nor there. It is not important because it will never happen. Life is not the fairy-tale I want it to be. I once dreamed that after the war everyone would get their hearts desires but it was foolish to think that would become real."

"Hermione you aren't making much sense."

"I think that's the point. Why must we all be sensible all the time? If I had my time over again I wish, I had gone to school anywhere but here."

"Why would you say that?"

"It's not because of the war like you might think."

"Then what is it because of?"

"Have you ever noticed how the ranking of society has never been such a big issue as it has been in England? Not just within the Wizarding community, I mean with muggles as well. Third Class, Second Class, First Class – Purebloods, Half-bloods and Muggle-borns. Everything is kept separate as though you could be tainted by socializing with someone from another rank. It's like we're back in the 1800s where you have to marry into the rank you were born in, anything else would be a fright."

Hermione paused for breath before continuing with her speech.

"I just think if I had a chance to go somewhere else, an American, Australian school or even Beauxbatons that life would have sailed by so easily. I know I'm not a muggle-born like I thought but that doesn't really matter. The social hierarchy is everywhere at Hogwarts. One can't be seen talking to others without consequence, 'blood-traitors' shout at Purebloods, Pureblood's shout at muggle-borns, muggle-borns should at half-bloods. It's stupid. The way we've been raised, even now nothing matters but money, power and blood."

"Hermione..."

"Oh God, what am I doing here? Shouting my head off at things that have no meaning. I shouldn't be worrying about social standing or blood or love. What business have I got to be thinking of those things? I'm eighteen years old and I'm a grown up for goodness sake. Where did my childhood go? I'll tell you, it went on broken dreams and empty promises."

"Is this all because of a guy?"

"No. It started with a guy but it ended with my own failure."

"Hermione."

"Do not worry, I'll survive I promise. We'll just take this as an episode of me breaking down. No one needs to know alright, especially not Blaise. I want some Cherryade, are you coming Pansy?"

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"Draco what the fuck man? Stop running."

"What do you want Blaise?"

"Why are you running from me?"

"I'm not."

"You were."

Silence.

"Do you know why Hermione is acting strangely?" asked Blaise.

"Why would I?"

"bit touchy there are you? Always a sign that you know something."

"What do you want from me?" asked Draco.

"Just to know if you know anything about Hermione's strange behaviour."

Draco seemed to crack against Blaise's demands.

"Yes I know something about her strange behaviour because I know the person who caused it."

"Great! You can tell me who to punch."

"Go ahead and punch me then."

"What?"

"It was me Blaise. I'm the reason she's walking around like the fire has gone from her eyes."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing but the truth."

"What did you do?!" growled Blaise.

"She asked me to go to the ball with her."

"Stop dragging this out Draco and tell me."

"I said no to her. I turned her down."

"What the hell Draco, why would you do that?"

"Why would she want to go to the ball with someone who bullied her for seven years. She was tortured in my fucking house for god's sake."

"Draco calm down."

"I'm not good enough for her and she deserves some good."

"Draco, mate. You aren't the one to decide that for her. You're hurting her with this attitude of yours. She wants to be friends with you but you won't let her. She tries to talk to you but you don't reply. She asked you to the ball because she wanted to go with you and you what? Tell her you won't go because of your stupid guilt?"

"That's right Blaise. I Draco Malfoy feel guilty. God knows I should have burnt alive for what I've put everyone through. She was tortured in my ballroom for being something she isn't. I just stood there and watched her pain."

"That wasn't your fault Draco you must know that."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not made for good people like her. She needs someone who can look after her, protect her, love her and cherish her. Someone to make her laugh, hold her when she cries, read to her and talk to her. I'm not that person."

"No one is asking you to marry her or date her. She just wanted you to take her to the ball."

"Then what?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The ball. It wouldn't just end with the ball. The ball would lead to dating and god knows what else. I couldn't let things happen like that."

"Well you didn't give her a choice."

"It's better this way."

"No it's not. Draco it's her choice. Not yours and if she asked you to take her you should have said yes."

"Blaise."

"No buts Draco. All I hear is you talking about yourself. Your pain, your guild and your suffering. You don't mention her at all. You seem to have already made your mind up about things without even giving her a chance to see you. Grow a pair and stop acting like some pitiful little child because really, that's all you are."

"I'm trying to save her," shouted Draco.

"No! You're trying to save yourself. You're scared, weak and pathetic. Until you know your own heart and aren't going to hurt my sister further, you stay the hell away from my sister."

"So this is how it's going to be. Years of friendship down the drain for one small disagreement," said Draco.

"Nothing about my sister is a 'small disagreement' and you'd do well to remember that," thundered Blaise.

Blaise took one last disgusted look at Draco and stormed away from his now ex-friend.

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