Ineffable Daughter (Good Omens AU)

S1 - C3

X

Rachel steps in the bus, going up, sitting in an empty seat.

A few stops ahead and Aziraphale comes and sits ahead of her, glasses and newspaper at hand.

A few more, and Crowley comes and sits behind her.

"The boy's too normal." She says, Rachel raising an eyebrow.

"Is that a bad thing Mom?"

"It is if you're the Antichrist."

Couldn't argue there.

"Excellent. It's working. The heavenly influences are balancing out the hellish. A no-score draw."

"I did tell Warlock he should listen to the both of you." Rachel says, shrugging. "Maybe it's working?"

"I hope you're right. Only six years left to go."

"Crowley?"

"Yeah?"

"I mean, if he comes into his full power, how do we stop him then?"

"I'm sure it won't come to that."

Rachel can feel the stressed tension between the two, furrowing her eyebrows.

Oh, she desperately hopes that it won't come to it.

Otherwise, the world would end when she's 17 and that would suck.

X

Present Day

Monday

Six Days Before The End Of The World

As Warlock complains to his mom about his birthday party, Crowley and Aziraphale watches from a distance in a park bench.

"Well, we've done everything we can." Crowley says, as the two wait for Rachel to arrive.

"All we can do now is wait for his birthday. The Hell Hound will be the key. Shows up at 3:00 on Wednesday."

"Right. You've never actually mentioned a Hell Hound before."

"...Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're sending him a Hell Hound to pad his side and guard him from all harm."

"Oh."

"Biggest one they've got."

"Hey, Dad, Papa!"

They turn behind to see Rachel, her hair cut similarly to Crowley's, her outfit a mixture of black, whites, gray, and tartan colors.

She's wearing her sunglasses.

"Hello, Darling, how's my Angelic Demon?" Crowley greets, Aziraphale chuckling as Rachel sticks her tongue out at him, jumping in the space between the two.

"She's fine. Did two miracles and two temptations on my way here. Anyways, what are you two talking about in terms of Warlock's birthday?"

"Hell's sending him a Hell Hound."

"...Oh."

"Won't people remark on the sudden appearance of a huge black dog? His parents, for a start?" Aziraphale asks, Rachel pointing to him in a gesture of 'I was thinking the exact thing'.

"No one will notice anything. It's reality, Angel." Crowley says, Rachel biting back the smile threatening to spread across her lips at the familiar pet name Crowley calls Aziraphale.

"And young Warlock can do what he likes with that, whether he knows it or not. It's the start of it all. The boy's meant to name it. Um...Stalks by Night, Throat-Ripper, something like that. But if you and I have done our job properly, with some help from Rachel, then he'll send it away unnamed."

"What if he does name it?"

"Then you and I have lost, he'll have all his powers, and Armageddon will be days away."

Aziraphale glances at Crowley, sighing shakily.

"There must be some way of stopping it."

Crowley pauses, knowing what he was about to say would anger Rachel but...it technically was another way.

"If there was no boy...then the process would stop."

"Yes, but there is a boy. He's over there, writing a rude word on a description of a dinosaur."

"Well, there is a boy now. That could change...Something could happen to him."

Aziraphale furrowed his eyebrows, confused, but Rachel's eyes widen seconds before;

"I'm saying you can kill him."

"Dear lord Dad! He's 11 years old!" Rachel hisses, turning to him. "He's six years YOUNGER than me."

Aziraphale however, remains quiet for a moment.

"I've never actually...killed anything. I don't think I could."

"And you shouldn't if you don't want to Papa." Rachel says, looking at Aziraphale.

"Not even to save everything? One life...against the universe."

Rachel sighs, crossing her arms, glancing between both her parents.

"Then, this Hell Hound, it'll show up at his birthday party?"

"Yeah."

"Well then we should be there. Maybe I can stop the dog. In fact, I could entertain."

Crowley suddenly realized what he means as well as Rachel.

And their reactions are different and priceless.

"No, no, no. Please, no. No." Crowley immediately starts to says as Rachel grins.

"YES!"

"I just need to get back into practice."

"Oh, no, no. Don't do your magic act. Please. Please! I'm actually begging you. You have no idea how demeaning that is. Please, and Rachel for Satan's sake PLEASE stop encouraging him!"

Aziraphale gets up and moves his hand to Crowley's ear as Rachel laughs, clutching her stomach, revealing the coin.

"In your finger."

"No it was in your ear."

"It was in your pocket."

"It was close to your ear."

"Never anywhere near my ear."

Aziraphale sits back down, grumbling.

"You're no fun."

"Fun?!"

"Yes."

"It's humiliating. You can do proper magic. You can make things disappear."

"But it's not as fun."

"Make you disappear."

Rachel snorts, sighing.

She lives for moments like these, where her parents bicker like a married couple (even though they technically aren't).

She hopes for more of these in the future.