Essence of Us

Chapter 2: Real Love

"I swear I never did anything to lead him on and he had never even looked at me differently until that night."

"That's what he told me. I'm sorry for ever doubting that you would ever do something like that to me."

"So, you okay with not being in the wedding?"

"Am I invited to the wedding?"

"Of course."

"Then, I'm fine. Zena made it seem like you didn't ask me because you were still angry with me. I understand about Montana. I hate it but I get it. Maybe in time he can see me without associating me with Everette and drama."

"He will. He's my family now like you've always been. We'll get through it."

"When is the wedding anyway?"

"I don't know if I can wait until next November, which is our dating anniversary but kind of want to wait until after I have the baby. My nose already spreading across my face and I can tell I'm not going to be cute like you were when you were pregnant."

"Jas, you're always beautiful."

I twirled in my chair and looked around Montana's/guest room. It smelled and looked like him, with his Nikes and workout clothes tossed around the room. Neither one of us were good at picking up after ourselves or had taken the time to get housekeeping, so our home was officially a mess. But it was our mess. I wanted to always be this happy. Montana had already flown out of town for one of his endorsement deals. And would be in and out of town until we headed to Jamaica for my birthday. I missed him terribly though he left this morning. What would I do without him? "Carrie, how are you really doing? I know how much Everette meant to you and you'd been together for years."

"I'm not the same. I miss him every single day. I keep thinking as time passes, it will get easier. It's been almost a year and I wake up crying every morning. I don't know how I let dick, that wasn't even that good, ruin my marriage to a good husband."

"I don't know whether to cry or cheer that you actually said 'dick'." I laughed trying to make my cousin feel better. "Seriously, yes you fucked up, but you have to forgive yourself. Is he still being hateful to you?"

"I realized Z was right, how can I possibly judge anyone for their mouth, when I committed one of the worst sins. Ev has been good. I think after what happened with you, and I cursed him out, he got it together. He's been cordial when we co-parent. Sometimes I think it's worse this way. Before, I knew underneath his anger and nastiness, he still wanted and loved me. Now he seems completely fine with our separation and I think he's even dating."

"Sorry Carrie, but maybe you should try and date, too."

"I have absolutely no interest in anyone else but Ev. My advice to you, do what it takes to keep your marriage strong and happy and never take each other for granted."

"Thank you for the advice. Now holding on to Montana for the long haul scares the hell out of me, I'm already feeling frumpy standing next to him."

"Jasmine, Montana has been crazy about you since he met you. I was there, remember?"

"Yes, but I was a size ten and even smaller when I saw him in Jamaica and now, I'm a twelve and expanding every day. This pregnancy is whipping my ass and I still have six months to go. What if I have trouble losing this weight? There's a reason some celebrity women don't want to have babies, you never know how you'll look after pregnancy."

"I know how you feel because I felt some kind of way about my weight gain. I'm fine now."

"Because you were already rail thin and now, you're petite with curves. I already been the chubby kid, had the womanly curves as a teenager and I can't lie I am worried about my weight after the baby. Montana dated model types before me."