Making Me Sane Again

Who are you?

I have a past, like everyone else, I just don't remember mine.  All I know is that I am now around sixteen or seventeen years old, and I had a family, once, long ago.  I don't remember what they looked like, or sounded like, or if they even loved me. But it doesn't matter, cause they are all dead now. 

I am aware this might all sound strange, bur bare with me, its gonna take a long time to explain. but here it goes.

My name is, Jennasis, I think. I have a best friend, Alex.  He is the only friend I ever known, and he is the best person ever.  But then again, who would I compare him to?  He makes all the hard choices, like if and when we have to move locations, or when we get to eat or sleep, while I make the light decisions, like what we eat if we ever get the luxury of a choice and I choose our outfits for the day or week.  I can't make all the hard decisions.  

I went through a powerful and life altering trauma that caused me to now have two different personalities; Jennocide, a personality of mine who is sociopathic and has the urge to lie and sometimes kill.  Jennocide holds all the anger and confusion that manifests inside me and it all comes out at once when she takes over. Then there is Mistress Jean, and she is the personality who holds all my sex drive, and she is a real pain in the ass, I mean that almost literally.  I don't know why, but this is the pair of personalities that protect me from the trauma I endured by watching my family being burned alive.  I have these people inside me as well as severe anger issues that are easily triggered by certain things, like not getting enough sleep, or not eating for a while, or rude people who only think of themselves.  So it is completely normal what gets me angry, but my reaction to it is way over the top, and that's why I try to stay away from those types of triggers, well its more like Alex makes the choices that keep me away from those people and situations. I am so thankful for him.

Alex is actually a transgender.  He was born female but has the mind and personality that of a male, which is actually something I love about him.  His family was killed too, around the same time as mine was, but they died of a car crash.  He doesn't like to talk about his family because they never accepted him as their son rather than their daughter.  But he never wished them dead.

Meeting Alex was the best thing that ever happened to me, he is so helpful and so supportive, its almost too good to be true, almost. He is so smart and so handsome, but I feel like I knew him before, almost like in a past life.  Or we could be that good of friends.  I don't even know, but I have started to grow feelings for him a while ago, which makes Lady Jean want to come out and play with him, but I have my ways of holding her back, most of the time.  One time, Lady Jean got control and totally embarrassed me, she almost kissed him, which would have made it obvious that I like Alex. I don't want him knowing, because I'm afraid if he did know, it would effect the way he makes choices and the way he thinks about me.  I don't know what to do now.  But we need to move again.