Coloured Dreams

Chapter 4 - Dreams

I can't stand to watch as his cries continue to fill the room, turning my head away and for once, thankful that I can't cry tears of my own. It broke my heart to watch him like this, fighting against his own thoughts, his own memories.

I extended a hand, wishing that I could feel something, anything. The dust that drifted gracefully down that line of moonlight passed through my hands as if I didn't exist at all.

I remembered his words at the hospital. Those horrible words I wanted so much to take back for him. I wanted them to have never existed. Thinking about my own, I whispered into the night, wishing that he could hear them.

'No you didn't - I did.'

A sudden cry burst into my thoughts, touching me deeper than anything I had ever heard before. I see him, tossing and turning in his sleep as if there is no escape. His fists clench the blankets so tightly they glow a soft white. The dimples in his cheeks seem to cave in as he screws up his face in an unseen horror that no one else can see.

Unknown to him, I move to kneel by his side. I reach out a hand, wishing I could stroke his cheek and give him what little comfort I can offer. My right fist is clenched as tight as his. I wish I could thrust my hand inside his soul, grasp the hurt, the pain and pull it free from his body. I want to so bad and it kills me that I can't.

Every night, I watch Ryan go through the same torment as he tosses and turns, trying desperately to battle his demons. His parents often wondered what they were, what was so bad that they would disturb his sleep every night but I never had to guess. I’ve even seen them. I’ve travelled inside his nightmares.

I can do that. I can hop in and out of them whenever the mood suits me.

However, I don’t really like to. Dream travelling is the cosmic equivalent of reading someone’s diary so it always feels too private for me. When people are asleep, all their defences drop and you are seeing their secret desires. There’s also another catch. Once you start, invading dreams, it’s a habit that you can’t seem to break. It's like a form of drug that you just have to keep in your system all the time.

The dreams I’ve seen are every colour of the rainbow. It all depends on what he is dreaming and the emotions involved. Ryan’s dreams are different shades of blue tinged with whispy clouds of pink. The colours mingle and enfold each other, spilling forwards in waves. Occasionally, there are speckles of red in amongst the blue. Touching them, I can feel the passion they add to the mixture.

Sometimes the red rolls over the top of everything else and suddenly disappears. Other times, the pink invades the heart, blocking every colour which tries to break free. This is the closest emotion to true love you can experience in a dream. Often, his dreams are so peaceful you can get carried away in the silence and safety of them.