Until My Last Breath

"We don't fall in love with people because they're good people. We fall in love with people whose darkness we recognise. You can fall in love with a person with all the right reasons, but that kind of love can still fall apart. But if you fall in love with a person because your monsters have found a home in them, that's the kind of love that owns your skins and bones. Love, I am convinced, is found in the darkness. It is the candle in the night." - C. Joybell

I closed my laptop and placed it on the side table after I have read that. It makes sense. I found that person in my darkest days anyway, sadly, that person isn't mine anymore. Will he look at me for the last time, though? Until my last breath? I want to see him.

I heard some knocks from the door of the room that I am confined in, wiping my tears away, I told whoever that is outside to come in.

I faked a smile when I saw a familiar face, her hair is tied in a low pony tail that is hanging on her shoulder, her eye bags looks bigger than it was yesterday, holding a plastic bag she walked towards my bed.

"Hi, honey. How are you feeling?" She asked as she sat down on the side of my hospital bed.

"I'm feeling better, ma."

She brushed away with her fingers the loose hair strands on my face, cupping my face as she stared at me.

I probably look gross right now, pale and thin face.

"Ma, can I go home?"

Mama looked at me sadly. "You can't go home yet, Guia. You need to stay here for your treatment."

"..but I'm dying in a few days, Ma."

Her tears started pouring out, but she still tried to keep a smiling face.

"No, sweety, we still have a lot of time. Kung kailangan na lumuhod ako sa mga doctor dito at sa mga santo para lang makatanggap ng himala, na gumaling ka, gagawin ko. You already fought your sickness for too long, ngayon ka pa ba susuko? Ngayon mo pa iiwan ang mama?"

Pinunasan nya ang mga luha nya tinignan ako ng mabuti, hawak ang kamay ko, tinanong nya ako.

"Anong gusto mo, hm? I'll do my best to give you anything you want."

"Alam mo naman na sagot dyan ma, sya lang gusto ko makita. . Kahit sa huling pagkakataon. Please. . Bring him to me. ."

Her lips curved into a soft smile once again, sabay tango.

"Kakausapin ko sya para sayo. Don't worry."

Inabot nya ang plastic na may lamang prutas, binalatan nya para sakin.

Ilang hiwa din siguro ng mansanas nakain ko bago ako umayaw na.

Habang nagliligpit ng basura si mama, napatingin ako sa labas ng bintana, sa langit na kulay asul, ni walang kahit isang ulap na makikita sa sobrang linaw ng langit ngayon.

Habang nakatitig ako sa langit, nakita ko ang mukha nya. Yung ngiti nya, yung mga mata nya. .

"Mahal na mahal pa rin kita hanggang ngayon." bulong ko.

Naalala ko sa tuwing pupuntahan nya ako, dadalahan nya ako ng kahit anong pasalubong. Simpleng bagay, napapangiti nya ako agad.

Kaso wala na, hindi na sya sakin. .

I came in his life like a storm, and left him ruined.

I pushed him away, to save him from my darkness. And when I realized that I was wrong in doing that, it was already all too late.