The Passage of my Life

The Big Change.

7th Grade

Life as I knew it would flip around. No more me. This date would change everything. My feelings about myself. About my family. About the world. The first day I ever felt an overwhelming surge of uselessness. The day my life took a huge spiral downwards. So what exactly happened?

It all started as my typical day. About 8 pm, I was just playing some PlayStation 4 with my online friends that I've know for a while. Then I hear a lot of bickering coming from the living room. I thought it would stop, but it kept going for what felt like hours. So I eventually got up and went to check things out. A verbal fight between family members. My brother and my nephew. It went from being verbal to physical in a heartbeat. I'm not going to name names or get too into detail. Here's the jist of things. It ended with broken glass and what seemed like gallons of blood everywhere. All over the ground, all over the walls. All from my brother. I just watched it all happen. I didn't do a single thing. I couldn't call anyone, all I could do was stand there, frozen.

I couldn't feel anything after that encounter. Nightmares would replay in my head daily, weekly, monthly. Of course I'd begin to stop having these nightmares. But it would impact my mental state in ways I would've never imagined. To make things worse, not too long after the nightmares stopped, an argument broke out between my parents. I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear anything. But all I did was listen.

My dad was upset as usual over small things,but this, this was different. It was about me. About how he never cared for me. This just broke me and my mental state even more. Doesn't help that I had nightmares where I would die because of my dad not caring for me. Anyways this would help build up and reinforce the thought that I'm useless. I'm worthless. I'm really not important. It doesn't matter what happens, nobody would care anyways.

And so, the passage of my life continues. On to 8th grade. What a good year it would be right? No, wrong. Completely wrong.