The Smell

The smell. The smell is disgusting. I don't know who the hell makes their car smell like this. They treat me like shit. I can't take it. I'll just do what he said to do and keep smiling, even though I'm sad or angry. He's dying anyway; I'll just do what the old man says to do.

Alice wasn't in church today. Wonder what happened... I'll talk to her later and tell her what a sinner she is. I hate it when people don't come to church; especially young people. It's disgusting, like the smell of that stupid car.

Why cant I go home? My real home. God, I miss them so much. My dad once said that find something that brings you pure joy, and cherish it till the day you die. Well, my home is that special thing.

I drew in the notebook that the lady gave me. She said to write your feelings in it, but my feelings never really do spill out on empty, blank pages. So, I draw in it. Sometimes I don't even express my feelings; I just use it to doodle in it. She also said that she will take it back to read when all the pages are full...she won't be getting it back, I can promise that.

Our next golf game is on Sunday, guess I'll have to miss church. I already feel like a sinner. Ugh. It makes me uncomfortable talking about my religion. It makes me angry when my religion goes against what I think. I feel like they control me...in a good way, of course.

I cut myself last night. It felt like heaven compared to the shit I get from my "family" here. Damn, I want to go home...

I made some cookies, they weren't very good. I suck at baking, just like how I suck at life. I can still taste the burnt cookie shit in my mouth. I washed it down as much as i could.

I don't really know what's going on right now. But I will tell you one thing...I WILL BURN THAT GOD DAMN CAR TO THE GROUND IF I HAVE TO! Why you may ask? Because I can't stand the smell.