Unfinished Memories

Chapter 1

unedited guys as per usual

RILEY’S P.O.V.

Today’s the day; The day I haven’t thought I’d make it to. Graduation day.

The past month has been a complete whirlwind and I’m surprised that we’ve made it out as relatively unscathed as we have.

Unscathed isn’t an accurate word, though. We’re all beaten and battered; torn into a million pieces. But, we’re here, and that’s more than I can say for some people.

I adjust the gold cord on my arm, and straighten out the hideous black gown. The color makes me cringe, reminding me of the funeral service that we all attended only three weeks ago. It’s felt like ages, though, and I’m beginning to fear that I’ll forget Cory. Obviously, not in simplistic ways, but in the small details. I’ve already begun to question my memory on the color of his eyes; were they more blue or more green? I can’t bring myself to look at pictures, though. It’s too painful. Besides, pictures could never capture everything about him, which means I have to rely on my stupid brain, and it’s failing me horribly already. What’s it going to be like in a year? Five years? Twenty years? Despite the shit we’ve been through, Cory will always be one of the most important and prominent people in my life. That will never change, even now that he’s gone.

It’s still not real to me that he’s gone. He honestly seemed to be getting better; the fact that he went to New York alone was enough for us all to believe he was on the path to recovery. Depression was always something Cory dealt with, though, and I wish I could have taken it all away. I wish I could have absorbed those feelings and maybe even died instead. He was too great of a person for the world to have lost.

A lot of that was what I planned to say at his funeral service, too. I was going to say that he was great son, brother, friend, and poet. That he always knew how to logically calm me down without repercussions. That he knew how to brighten my day, even when his was absolute shit. I was going to say a lot of nice things about Cory.

I just couldn’t, though. I choked. I just cried, holding Liam’s hand for dear life. I hate myself for panicking and not speaking at the funeral. I’ll hate myself every day that I live for it. Cory deserved so much more than a bunch of crying people, along with a few disapproving remarks for taking his own life.

He was sick, though, and maybe, just maybe, if we had been less preoccupied with our own lives, we would have realized how much Cory needed us all, including me.

I shake away the memories and regrets, taking a deep breath and dabbing at my sloppy makeup. It isn’t like I cared enough to take my time on it. I’m walking at my graduation today simply because no one ever thought I could. My parents have dragged me down with hurtful words my entire life; and, everyone else just babies me, secretly believing that I’m too weak and dependent to finish anything as monumental as a degree. The only person who truly, and whole-heartedly thought I could make it to where I am now, is dead. I’m here, angry and in mourning, to prove a bunch of people wrong; most importantly, myself. 

“Riles?” The knock on my door is barely audible, but Liam’s faint voice carries through the room.

“Yeah,” my voice is weak, so I clear my throat softly, “Yeah, I’m coming.”

I glance at myself in the mirror one last time, but I can’t bring myself to look at my eyes. My eyes have been so empty and sunken since Cory died. I feel like I’m looking at a stranger. I simply check that my hair and gown are on properly, and turn away toward the door. I rest my hand on the knob for a second and take a deep breath before turning it. Liam is standing there with that same sympathetic face that he’s worn for the past month. It makes me feel weak and pathetic, but I couldn’t survive without it.