Maria

Then came the fateful day that William knelt before Maria, in front of my parents and I, and asked for my sister's hand in marriage. I put my hand over my mouth, stifling a scream in my lungs. Although I made no effort of my own to pursue William (how could I?), a small part of me held out a tiny hope that he would say my name with the same kindness that he held for Maria. Could he say it, "Dolores," three simple syllables in a dulcet tone directed to my heart? I had convinced myself long ago that no one could. I was undeserving of something so wonderful.

It was the eve of Maria's wedding day and mother sent me with a cup of spirit to calm Maria's wedding day nerves. The servants had been buzzing about my sister all day, so she had sent them to their quarters to rest. She needed a few moments to herself before bedtime. I softly rapped on her door and entered her room. Maria was resplendent in her glorious wedding gown. Her hair neatly pinned back, with tiny rivulets framing her soft face. The light from her candles made her look like an angel. She was so beautiful and I felt so ill.

"Maria, you should take the dress off and set it aside. Here, Mother has sent this cup of drink for you to settle you for the night."

"Dolores, dear sister, stop fussing. You are always thinking of me. Do not worry," she grabbed the cup and set it on the table by the candles. She preened and admired herself in the mirror. "Isn't he wonderful? I will be Mrs. William Fermin tomorrow. I am getting married! It is like a dream come true."

I put my hand to my forehead and looked away.

"Dolores, are you ok? Please don't pass out. We'll always be together at heart. We are twins and best friends! I could never leave you. Remember that time when we were little and the Headmistress tried to keep us apart? Remember when the Headmistress tried to separate us in class? Remember how I screamed and told them that they could never take my Dolores away? Well, did they? No, they didn't!"

I put on the mask and said, "Maria, it will be all right. I will not be with you though. You will marry William. Join him in holy union. I will remain here with Mother and Father. I can't imagine finding anyone without your graces to assist me."

"There is someone out there, Dolores! There is a man who will appreciate you as I do. I know this in my heart and you will have a half that knows you, loves you for who you are. I know it!" She planted a kiss on her fingers and brushed them over my lips. Love, for a moment, I felt it all too much.

As she turned back to the mirror, my heart and my mind fell into a raging turmoil of hurt, confusion and fury. She was about to take off with everything I had ever wanted: William, to be her, anything other than myself! Blindly, I grabbed one of the thick candlestick holders by the neck and brought it down hard on Maria's head. Without a cry, without a scream, and with an elegance, that even I had to admire, she fell onto the floor.

I don't know how long I stood there watching her motionless stare. I waited for her to blink, for her eyes to come to, for her chest to heave, her limbs to twitch, but there was nothing. No life, no blood even. No blood. No life.

What was the first thing that came to my mind, dear reader? What did I do?

I placed the candlestick back on the table, rushed to the sleeping domestic's rooms and grabbed and old gown from a closet. All the while, I prayed that no one could see what had come to my head, that plan that I had hatched, that no one would set eyes on what I had done to my dear sister, and what I was about to do.

I sketched out a genius plan! I was going to take my sister's place as Maria!

Disposing of a body seemed to be no hard task for me. I was clever! I carried my sister by her arms. She was as light as feather. I covered us both with a big woolen blanket. Oh I was good! I imagined myself a night watchman carrying a drunken stable boy to his home. In reality, my sister's new home would be the pig pen. I had seen the pigs tear apart whatever fell in the mud, especially if roused the right way. My sister and I had witnessed them eat up frogs I would throw in when we were kids. What a funny sight! Tonight we had forty pigs for the reception. I threw Maria's body in and flung a rock to get them going. They squealed and I made out the sound of crunching bones and the dull tear of flesh. By sunrise her body would be in pieces and, if found, mistaken for one of the extra help we had around for the reception.

I bolted for her rooms, bathed myself in the water left for Maria's bath. I wrote quite an inspired letter, as Dolores, addressed to my family. I explained to them that I had received a call, a vocation from the Lord a long time ago. God himself had addressed me and wanted me to be a soldier in his army. I was to become a nun. It was a call that had become too overwhelming as of late. I had to leave that evening to answer the call of our Savior at once. This would be an explanation for everything: my lifetime of weird behavior and my hasty departure. I, Dolores, wasn't bad. In fact, I had received a divine calling! I would send them l letters with addresses in exotic lands and they wouldn't search for me. I doubted they would look for me anyway.

As I wrote I felt a familiar block, a blackness seized my senses and my head fell on the table. I do not know how much time passed, but one of the candles still flickered in its place when I came to. I lifted my head and felt a slight breeze outside of Maria's door. I sat frozen and heard what sounded like wet footsteps walking away in the corridor.

Squish, my heart.

Squish, my soul.

Squish.

My eyes bulged in fear. I grabbed the cup on the table and gulped the spirit down. Fire burned down my throat and I shook my head. I listened again for anything in the hallway.

Nothing. I got up and felt dizzy. The room spun. My knees buckled under me. I looked down at the cup still in my hand. I fell to the ground and couldn't move. I was paralyzed.

Squish. Footsteps?

Squish. Croak. Croak?

And that is all I know. I still don't know where I am! What is this place? Who am I again?

Dolores. Squish.

Maria. Croak.

Maria....Dolores.