When the Stars Align (Anthony Rizzo)

79| What Could Have Been

Kelsey

Today is a hard day for me. It would have been my moms 50th birthday today should she still be here with us. The big 5-0. A lot of people live to see 50, my dad is 56 and Anthony's parents are up there too. But my mom never got to this milestone, she didn't get to a lot of milestones like seeing her first kid go off to college and meeting her first grandbaby. There's so much she's missed since she's left us and I know it's not good to dwell, to think of what could have been, but I can't help but wonder how much better my life would be if she was still here with me.

I would have loved for her to be here and teach me how to be a incredible mother. To teach me how to talk to my child, how to care for her and nurture her. I wish she was here to meet Anthony, she would have loved him. Her spirit was a lot like his. She was loud and funny and used her heart more than her own two arms. They are two of a kind, so very brilliant and strong hearted. I'm lucky I got him because he's the closest thing to my mom I've seen since she left. But if I do something very right then maybe my daughter can be like her too.

So this dreary morning I grab some flowers and I head to her gravesite. I sit in front of the spot she was buried and look at the homemade headstone we made since we couldn't really tell anyone about the fire or do a lot of official stuff with my dads legal status and the loss of ours. But I made sure people knew she was here and that she was loved. There was a rock I carved myself and a cup to put flowers in as often as I could. So I put the flowers in the cup I put in the ground and I continue to start at it. I wipe away a tear as I sniffle away the rest. I let out a long sigh as I look to the ground.

"Oh mom, I don't even know what to say anymore. So much has happened since you left this earth. So much you would have loved to see. The sky, it's still so beautiful. Not as beautiful as you made it seem when you would tell me these stories as I was growing up, but still pretty beautiful. There's days like today where it's not that pretty, there's clouds and not the ones you want to look at. Sometimes you can't see the sky, that beautiful blue sky that looked like your eyes. The same eyes you gave to me. I know I can't see them anymore now that you're gone. But thanks to you I can still show people a clear blue sky on any day with my eyes, I know that's why you're not here anymore.

I just came by to tell you happy birthday. I know that if you were here we would be at the pier right now eating ice cream and feeding the seagulls. But with Tati gone and all of us doing different things, we just couldn't do that this year. But we're all thinking of you, there isn't a day that does by that you're not on my mind. And I hope you're having a wonderful time in heaven" I say softly.

"That was beautiful" someone says and I turn around. I see Anthony there in a all black suit and a umbrella in case it rains. He had something else with him too but I couldn't tell what it was.

"Thanks. Tends to happen when I talk about my mom" I admit.

"I got her a birthday present. I know she can't appreciate it, but I was hoping you and your family could" he claims as he moves to the side.

I let out a gasp as I cover my mouth. Sitting there was a beautiful headstone with a picture of her with us sitting at the pier on the bench on her last birthday we spent together. On top of the picture it had her name and under it it said "mother, lover, friend, star chaser. Touching all the lives of people she met and the lives of the ones who never got the chance to." The tears start to flow when I get a chance to take it all in and realize how this is the sweetest thing ever.

"Anthony... why" is all I can say.

"Because I know you feel bad because she couldn't get a proper headstone. So I figured I should get this and we can have a proper funeral. I know you want people to recognize her and remember her as you remembered her. And now they can. It's her birthday after all, and while most people don't want a headstone for their birthday I figured there wasn't anything else that would have worked out better" he explains.

"This is... perfect. I can't even begin to explain what this means to me and my family. I don't think I've ever had someone do something so incredible like this for me before. And I know this comes from your heart. You won't get anything in return from making this and it just makes me think about how wonderful you are. How selfless and thoughtful you are. My mom would have seriously been the happiest woman ever if she would have been able to meet you. And it sucks that you can't because I love you both so much. I want more than anything for you to be together but it just can't be like that. You would have fit right in on that bench at the pier and we could have talked about anything. But-" I stop. There's a huge crack of thunder and the rain starts to pour. So Anthony puts the umbrella up and pulls me into his side. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his chest. He holds me tight as I continue to cry.

"Shhh baby, it's going to be okay. I know this headstone doesn't change much. But she deserves this and so much more. And we can't give her much more anymore, but I think this will do for now" he assures me.

"You're perfect" I insist as he starts to laughs. I smile a little when I feel his chest vibrate on my cheek.

"I'm not. But as long as you think so then I'm okay with that" he teases.

"Thanks for coming out here. That means a lot to me" I say.

"I wasn't going to let you go through this alone" he promises.

"What do you want to do now that your games probably going to be postponed" I wonder.

"How about we go make a cake and bring it to your brothers. We can still celebrate" he insists. I pick my head up so I can look at him and I just smile. Maybe he really is perfect.