arrogance [s.m]

thirty-four

"what is sleep when you're a mom?" he looks at me sympathetically, as i sigh, nodding. "i have, avery's been pretty good for the past couple nights, only woken up once."

"has shawn woken up to tend to her?" i shake my head in response.

"it's always a feed, so i get up," i mumble. "it's fine, gives me and avery some time alone."

"have you two even spoken?" brian asks me, as my eyes glaze over with tears.

"no," i say softly. "i apologised because i figured i was in the wrong, but he didn't say anything to me after. whenever i want to talk to him, he always says he's busy, or he has to go do something, even if it's at midnight or something dumb like that. i-i just miss him." i sniffle, holding avery tightly in my arms. "i miss him so much. i miss everything."

"anya, please don't cry," brian says gently to me, as i shake my head, sniffling again.

"i'm not gonna cry," i say quickly. "please don't say anything to him."

"anya-"

"please bri, promise me you won't. i don't wanna seem clingy to him," i mumble.

"i promise," he nods, letting out a soft sigh.

avery begins to move around, letting me know that she's done feeding. i sigh again, picking her up and pulling my shirt down, using the end of my jumper to wipe her mouth, before raising her up to burp her. i pat lightly on her back, as she gurgles about, probably wanting to get back into the restaurant so she can get everyone's attention again. she eventually lets out a long burp, making brian and i both laugh, before getting out of the car, and making our way back into the restaurant.

"where's the rest of my food?" i ask, seeing my not even half finished plate gone from the table.

"you looked like you were finished, and we didn't know how long it would take for you to feed her, it went cold," shawn shrugs. "someone took it away."

"who said i was finished?" i ask him, as avery looks around the group, smiling widely at something alessia was doing.

"i did," he says simply, looking up at me for the first time tonight. "what are you even wearing? you do realise we're in a nice restaurant?"

i look down at the jeans he said and i quote that make my butt look good, and the off the shoulder white blouse i wear, along with the little black sandals on my feet, that he bought me from paris when he was on tour, and i look back at him, shaking my head. i see that alessia and connor have stopped talking, and are now looking between shawn and i.

"i thought-"

"yeah well, you thought wrong," he mutters, looking away from me.

"i think she looks hot," alessia says, making me smile sadly at her. "doesn't she look so good, guys? she had a baby three months ago, and she looks that good now." the table all nod and agree, much to shawns discomfort, making me feel a little bit more better and warmer about myself.

"thank you," i mumble shyly, sending a softer smile to alessia, who winks slyly at me.

"anya, are you still hungry?" brian asks me, as i sit back down carefully, still holding avery in my arms.