Disease

Life has a weird way of playing out. Subhanallah. I've been through so many different head spaces within these last couple of years of my life. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I do believe it's a part of growing up. Experiencing different perspectives in such a short period of time. Changing my interests constantly and strengthen my opinion on many different topics.
As a Yemeni girl, it's been tough and still is to pursue my goals. However, I will admit I have had it much more easier than most. Tougher in a sense that culture has interfered with my life on a religious basis. I'm not that girl who is angered by culture destroying my freedom or the way I practice my religion, no. I see myself as much more religious and modest than the average Yemeni girl and I take pride in that. It's a choice I made for myself with much research and the urge to please my creator before myself or any other human on this planet. However, culture has interfered with my mental state. "Yemeni logic" has interfered with my heart, my emotions and my self confidence. I'll stop beating around the bush and just say it. There are many Yemeni men who have this disease. A disease that has drained so many Yemeni women mentally, physically and spiritually. A disease that goes against religion and destroys relationships between a woman and her husband, a woman and her brother and a woman and her father. It's the disease of jealousy, doubt and false assumptions. Jealousy in such a disturbing manner. False assumptions as describe exactly in the Quran and how to refrain from them. Doubt in such a way that no logic can even justify it. It's disheartening. It's heartbreaking. I should even goes as far as to say, devastating.
To be accused of actions even when bringing forth facts, evidence to prove your innocence only to be denied of them. Denied for only one reason. In order for them to continue to accuse you. They don't accuse you because they believe it's true. They accuse you because they want to believe it is true. They want to destroy you. They want to for-fill their sole agenda which is to protect themselves of their wrongful acts. They want to use the fact that they are male as a leeway for their sins. They want to distort your eyes out of their direction and keep you focused on yourself instead and how to dig yourself out of such accusations. They want a reason to be upset with you for being suspicious of them. They want to hate you and yell at you for something when their heart is filled with something else just so they can release their anger. Regardless of how far you turn a blind eye to their sins, they continue to accuse you. They continue to destroy you mentally, physically and emotionally. They will continue to sin, dig a deeper hole and destroy any form of respect you had left for them.
It is disheartening,
Heartbreaking,
Devastating.