From Fall to Winter

Chapter 4

He laughed. I laughed too but not as confidently as him.

I basically talked to him all night. He told me to call him Adam. Me and Adam talked a lot that night. We spoke about politics like old brothers at a dinner table. He told me how he grew up in the Heights. Never thought he would make it out. He got a scholarship to Rutgers and studied economics but after a brief stint with the campus Trotskyists he couldn't do it anymore. He found satisfaction studying the roots of his people and their journey. I told him about how I grew up in the Bronx, average student, average ambitions (lies), thinking about doing teaching or maybe law (lies). Conversation was overall interesting. It eased my anxiety by a tenfold.

He had nice eyes. Long eyelashes. Strong jawline. Even beard. Nice smile. All things I wouldn't notice sitting in the corner of the classroom. Or if it wasn't for those three drinks. There's a reason I didn't drink. My drinking days died in high school when I only used to drink jungle juice at parties. Now I only use it as liquid confidence to convince myself to have sex.

Is that what this feeling was? Nostalgia? Or did I really just want to fuck this guy?

I heard someone calling me over. Angela probably. I think I was staring at him too long. And he was very close. It was indeed- a moment. I felt his hand on top of mine. No one could see of course.

I did one of those sexy laughs. "I think I should get going."

Don't say I didn't try to stop this.

"Hm. Let me take you home."

I told Angela who smirked at me and briefly checked out Adam. She pulled me to her ear and whispered, "go get him, Tiger."

I quickly drank my last drink to ensure my confidence streak lasts until I get home. He held my arm because I definitely couldn't keep my balance. Not shitfaced though.

As trashy as it sounded, I wanted him to put his hands down my pants, then and there. On the 6 train. There was definitely tension. We stayed silent except when we both chuckled stealing glances at each other.

"Are we going to address the elephant in the room."

I got stiff. I stopped being cheeky for a second to hear the very realistic question. I don't like the pace of change right now.

"Do we have to?", I held his arm. I played dumb. I got really close to him. Are my pheromones enough to distract him from that question? He said something under his breath but I think he gave up trying to make it out. He leans to kiss me. I kept one eye open to see if that one older lady on the opposite end of the cart was watching. She wasn't. And he stuck his hand down my pants.

____________________________________

Days passed and I was on a high. Not the regular high but a confidence high. Not to say I wasn't "regular" high either within that that time but yes. It was good. Tammy could tell I was getting it regularly because I actually tried to do my job. I told Des because I was out of the apartment for hours and she would find out anyway.

"But how is he?"

I was too busy shoving rice in my mouth to understand the nature of the question.

"Um", I swallowed, "very good. Big dick. Good movement." Yes I know how weird that all sounded.

"Ugh you're so lucky", she said while cleaning food off her lips.

I stopped eating to look up and raise an eyebrow at her. Are things sour in Angela land?

"What do you mean?"

"Cillian's all there but he's lacking something."

"Something?"

"Like fire, passion, something."

Chemistry, perhaps?

She leaned and whispered, "he won't even eat me out."

I wanted to spit my food out.

"You need to express that. He can't be the only one finishing."

"There's this guy in my internship and I think he's likes me. I should talk to him."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe I can keep him on the side or something."

I didn't show it but I was fuming on the inside. Maybe it was different for someone like Angela, who always had guys lined up after another. She's had her share of bad guys who she wouldn't even think of cheating on and here she is contemplating it over poor old Cillian. And you know what else is bothering me! She didn't even call me that day we went out for drinks. So she didn't even think to invite me until Cillian did! So yeah I'm pretty pissed off!

I was so pissed off I had to get away from Angela. Her energy is just so terrible sometimes. I know how hypocritical... me talking about people with bad energy. But hers is just so harmful to people around her.

It was around 5, Adam must be home.