The firefighter's smile

Chapter Fourteen

"Thank you for telling me and it's not pathetic, it's understandable" the doc tried to smile reassuringly. "Now, that's what we are going to do. You will see the Doctor Charles twice a week and more if you feel the need to, he will prescribe you with anti-depressant and I will add sleeping pills. The bags under your eyes say how much you are exhausted."

"Thank you, Doc." he whispered.

"You are not alone anymore, Kelly."

He wanted to believe it, but he was still feeling terribly alone. He was feeling alone even when people were with him. Like he was trapped in his thoughts. He didn't even realize that the doctor had left the room until Charlotte let her hand run over his hair.

"Can you let him alone?" he asked, ashamed.

"Kelly..."

"Let me alone!" he shouted.

"Right," she mumbled.

She recovered her things before to leave. She was pissed, not at him, but at what he admitted. His friends let him down when he needed him the most. And while she decided to let his supposed friends know what she's thinking, he was crying himself to sleep.

"Hey, Charly!" Cruz explained, as soon as he saw her from his place at the Squad's table.

However, when she didn't respond to him, he knew there was something wrong. Because the last time she looked so pissed was when Benny let Severide down. They followed her quickly. She stopped in front of Matthew who was laughing with Gabriella.

"I see you are having fun!" she explained dryly, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Hey, Charl..." Gaby started.

"Something's wrong?" Matt asked, knowing the gaze she had.

"Are you really asking him if something is wrong? Your best friend is in the hospital. But, is he really your friend?"

"What do you mean? He told you something?"

"What do I mean? What I mean is that you let him down."

"Charlotte, you are not the right person to talk about it!" Dawson added.

"Because you are maybe?" She replied, lightning the look. "You should have helped him as much as you are trying to help me since his accident!"

"You were there, Charlotte. You don't know what happened"

"I know that you told him that Andy's death was his fault!" she screamed, her hands waving in the air.

"He accused me too! Severide isn't an angel, Charly!"

"He lost his best friend since kindergarten. They grew up together, they did everything together for years, they go through the fire academy together, of course, he was pissed and he was hurt too. He broke his neck in the same fire Andy died. He ate the pain every day, the pain that remembers him how much he thinks he screwed."

"He's the only one to blame for his neck injury".

"If you freaking told me that he should have vented the back, I swear you're going to need to go see a doctor for your jaw" Charly retorted.

"Severide do this to himself!" Gabriela said. "He pushed us away, he stopped talking to us even when we were looking out to him. He didn't want us in his life."

"He didn't want to get hurt again! He didn't want to lose someone else again and you, taking that personally, is the reason he is in this hospital bed!"

"What are you talking about?" Herrmann questioned.

"Nothing! I thought you were better than that" she spat out.

"You don't even remember us, how can you say that?"

"Because of you, because he was feeling alone because he didn't have anybody anymore because you let him down, he ended up crashing his car purposely, hoping that nobody would find him until he passed away." She yelled. "If you were good persons, none of this should have happened!"

Nobody dears to say anything anymore. The information taking time to register. Kelly wanting to kill himself? No way... there were signs.

"Enjoy your shift!" Smith conclued before to leave the firehouse.

"Hey, Charly!" Herrmann yelled, running after her. "How is he?"

"Not good, Christopher. He... He's broken."

"I'm feeling sorry, I mean we have been working together for years and I didn't see it coming. Our job is to prevent such things to happen and I put it on this grief."

"I'm not the one, you should be apologizing to."

"I know, I know. You so you know, if you need anything or he needs anything, let me and Cindy know."

"Thanks, Herrmann!"

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It's been a while, I know.