From Fall to Winter

Chapter 3

"Did Angela ever come back from England?"

"Yeah a few weeks ago. Brought back a whole boyfriend."

"No!" She gasped. "Her pussy must be crazy."

I laughed out loud. "That's what I'm thinking."

I vented a little bit about how I was over Angela. It felt good. Me and Des spilt ways. She took her bus to City College and I got on the train down to Hunter.

I got the coffee today for me and Tammy. I took out my book and read between work.

"Hey!" I looked up from my book and saw Cillian.

"Hey what's up."

I was much more looser today from venting to Des. I saw nosey Tammy peering over.

"What time do you get off?"

"Around 12. Why?"

"Let's get some food."

I was taken aback but I guess this was one of my better days. "Sure. Meet me here?"

"You got it."

He flashed a smile at me and zoomed out. His messenger bag swinging through the hallways and everything. My eyes went back to Tammy.

"Now who was he", she said smacking her gum against her lined lips. I sensed the tone in her voice. As in if you don't get him, I will.

"My friends boyfriend. An adjunct."

"Irish?"

"Yup" I raised my book to block the eye contact between us.
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"So where are you taking me."

"Depends are you in the mood for."

"Is there any Indian food nearby?" He stretched and held his stomach.

"Close."

I got him cheap halal food and we sat outside the building despite the weather.

I waited for him to try his first bite.

"That is actually very good."

"You don't trust my opinion?"

"Can you blame me, I don't have much to base your opinion on."

I shrugged in agreement.

Cillian loves Irish literature. We bonded over our love of Dubliners by James Joyce. I told him about my essay I wrote about Araby and connected it to Irish orientalism and national identity. He loved it and asked to see it. He does theater. Started off as a way to meet women but now he really loves acting. That struck me. He said if he does something he'll let me know. I debated opening up to him about my filmmaking dreams but I didn't. Overall it was a nice conversation.

What was Cillian doing with a girl like Angela.

Angela had it all I can't lie. I mean, it depends on what you define as "all." She was beautiful and sociable and cool. Not sure if that includes empathy and selflessness. But Cillian seemed different. He was full of substance. Interesting beyond the surface level.

Can Angela connect with him on an emotional level?

Can Cillian feed her ego?

God I'm such a shit talker. But when you know both it's hard to not compare. Well he came to New York for her so that's enough to know.

"You know, me and Angela are going out for drinks tonight like around 8. Some other professors will be there too. You should come."

Oh no, look what I've gotten myself into.

"Oh no it's ok. I got some work to catch up on."

"That's what you said last time. A few drinks won't compromise your work."

"If I had a dollar for every time I said that."

He let out a chuckle.

"Come on."

I agreed. Two minutes into walking back to the office I asked myself exactly what did I get into. I was comfortable alone with Cillian, with his guard down. And now I'm going to 1) be around academics where I probably don't have much to offer conversationally 2) I'm probably going to cling to Angela all night
3) also I'm going to be in a situation where casual drinking is involved.

Social drinking is a whole other territory I don't want to be in. I felt my chest about to collapse. I made a b-line to the bathroom and closed myself into a stall. I tried to regulate my breathing. Deep belly breaths. I held my stomach and slowly inhaled and exhaled. Gave me a moment of clarity and lightheadedness. An old trick the high school social worker taught me.

Alright back to business.

"How was it?" She puckered her lips and made kissing noises.

"Suck my dick."