The Standouts - A Critique Contest by PAULAPDX (Summer 2019 Edition)

The Standouts - 2019

MY TOP 12 PICKS FOR 2019

Username: @InGeenious   /  Title: The First Lie

Logline: Nineteen-year-old Jillian Mortier had no idea how she got to be a Gamma candidate. What she did know was that she didn't want to be. But as their pack leaders(including her parents) acted out of character, she has no choice but to step up to her destined role, even if she was a human.

Genre: Werewolf/Dark Fantasy

Feedback level: Submission level

PG – Okay, your logline, to me, is pretty lackluster. Truth be told, I'm not big on traditional Werewolf stories, so I don't know what a Gamma is, but I do like some Werewolf stories and this intrigues me. Then, you tell me that she doesn't want to be a Gamma, and my question is "Well, why not?" Adding an additional clause here, starting with a "because" gives you the chance to tell me the emotional stakes of the story–for you to give me a sense of what her emotional arc will be. "Acted out of character" means nothing to me coming into this cold and her destined role, even though she's human, feels cliché. But, tbh, I don't mind cliché, so I go to check out your first chapter, well your prologue, technically. And AWESOME! You open with visceral action. Yes! You slip in high-stakes backstory, sometimes inelegantly, but still effectively. Yes! Your writing has a strong voice to it. So, yes! Yes! Yes! You're in! I'll save the review for your Chapter 1. 

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Username: Van_carley   /  Title: The Water Witcher

Logline: Corbin, a naive Water Witcher trekking across several states to visit a friend, has to hide in plain sight in order to not get caught by a group called The Hounds, who hunt down Water Witchers and sell them as slaves to farmers struggling with a terrible drought. 

Genre: Action

Feedback level: Submission level

PG – Yep! This logline does the trick: the story feels unique, it tells me what the central conflict is, and it leaves me wanting more. I don't have a sense of the time-period, though, and this is a somewhat challenging area for fiction (popular in film/TV – Mad Max, Waterworld, and a couple of indies I've seen before—the names of which escape me right now). But, the market for this as a book is trickier.  A peek at your summary and first chapter confirm that I'm interested. This is a yes! 

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Username: hallonn23   /  Title: Southern Saturday Nights

Logline: When Allyson Reed leaves her small, southern town behind to attend the University of Alabama, she is finally free from her strict mother's drive for perfection, but she struggles with a hidden guilt that prevents her from becoming her own person. Through a chance encounter, Allyson meets the football team's star wide-receiver, Daxson Winters, who fights his own demons, but despite the prejudice that haunts his life, Daxson gives his all to help Allyson heal even if it means losing everyone he loves all over again.

Genre: New-Adult Romance

Feedback level: Submission level

PG – 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 – You gave me so much useful and intriguing information in that summary: southern town, attending University, strict mother, drive for perfection, hidden guilt, preventing her from becoming her own person, football star wide-receiver, fights his own demons, prejudice, gives his all... My first thoughts – This story is chock full of conflict! And it's a conflict that appeals to me. It hints at a non-cliché romance inside of a well-loved trope, and there's lots of internal and external conflict. MUST KNOW MORE! So, this was a yes, before I'd even taken a peek at the first chapter.