Nostalgia | Dazai Osamu

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Suddenly, I was by the edge already. A swift move of my legs and I was on the edge, the feeling of death so close, so friendly, so welcoming. Death was the only thing left for me- and death was the sentence I deserved. 

As I stared out into the sea of dying lights of Yokohama, I remembered how we used to run into the city of night. Through the dark alleyways, through the breeze of summer, through the sunset rain. I remembered how we used to sit on one of those buildings and watched how the world went by, the strolling clouds above our heads.

But I didn't have to remember. I would soon join her in heaven where we could run down any street we pleased... Or I would search for her in every world that was coming next until I found her... So I could finally tell her how grateful I was for her, and if I am lucky, to love her properly again.

As I stared down to the obsidian sea, something easing the pain in my heart knowing that this would be my last suicide attempt. My body was ice cold from the height I was at, the only thing warm was the sting in my eyes from hot tears.

I smiled, a river rolling down my raised cheek, ever so softly.

"I will find you, (Y/n)... No matter where you are." I whispered," You're the love of my life."

My foot lifted from the edge as I leaned into the world of searching.

I shut my eyes, waiting for my body to sink into the air with my empty hands, with nothing by the blessing of (Y/n) inside my head.

***

"Dazai Osamu, you've done it again!"

I couldn't contain my laughter, "Well of course! I can't help but to!"

"Really Dazai? I mean... really?"  She called from across our office," I cannot stand having to do these missions."

"Well," I say, taking my perched feet of my desks to stand up and find her, "You're the only person who finds an assassination mission annoying, (Y/n)."

I went to walk into our weaponry room in which she was in, but she had almost crashed into me at the doorframe by the way she walked out with a finger pointing up underneath my chin.

"There's no fun at all! Just one shot and that's it!" She exclaimed, her (e/c) eyes wide. I smirked, knowing that she was right.

"Maybe there isn't much fun, (Y/n)..." I sighed, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"Well then, Mr executive, tell me why you sign me and you up for these thing huh?"  She demanded, and that's when I noticed she had picked up a revolver that was in her hand. 

I chuckled, "Because I am an executive. I do as I please."

Her face didn't look that impressed.

"I have a gun, Dazai. Don't give me shitty reasons," She exclaimed, nudging me in my side," Is he some kind of rich man? Does he have any possible threats to the Mafia?"

I recoiled from her touch, noticing how much I liked it when she got playful," Hey! And possibly."

"Possibly? Is that all? Just maybe?" She exclaimed. Her jaw hung as I left her to stand there, returning to my desk.

"Yes..." I muttered. Why was she so persistent in knowing why all of a sudden? 

"Dazai, please give me a reason, especially when you've replaced my oversea mission to France with Chuuya with a pitiful assassination that a stupid dog can do." She sighed.