Soul Bound

Chapter Seventeen

"Come on, I don't need—" I start, but River cuts in.

Something has snapped, every muscle in his body is tense. "Of course she needs me! She needs her kind! She had no idea what she was capable of. No idea what binders have —are going through! It's our kind against the world. You're all out to destroy us and everything we care about. We've only got each other in this fight. She needs me..." he looks at me, face serious, "and I need her," then dives under water.

Dunn is staring daggers at me. I must look like a deer in headlights. He sighs. I don't know what to say. What did he mean by "I need her?"

We float for a while, easily drifting over the swells. I watch for River to pop up out of the water somewhere, but he doesn't. There's no telling where he's gone.

I spot Simon and the kids walking down the dunes to meet Hicks, who is fully dressed in his suit. He didn't even take his shoes off. Niki and T.K. wave wildly at Dunn and I, and we both put on happy faces for them. Simon talks to Hicks for a moment, waves at us, then leaves. River is still nowhere to be seen.

We watch Hicks play with the kids in the sand. Looks like they're building a sand castle.

My guilt about everything River said reaches a head. "I don't know why he blew up like that. I'm sorry."

"He's just taking the focus off of him. He's guarding secrets." Dunn takes a deep breath, "Secrets are a person's last defense against the truth." He leans back on his board and looks up at two passing clouds.

"What?" I ask.

"It's something my mom used to say. She kept secrets from us. About our dad," he looks at me, but is really lost in memories. "When she finally told us the truth, that's what she said, 'if the truth is painful they'll guard those secrets to protect themselves from it.'"

Deep talks with Dunn aren't something I'm used to. "Your mom is a smart woman."

Dunn turns and watches a swell come towards us. When he looks back his face is wearing the most serious expression I've ever seen on him in my life, "You gotta decide who matters at the end of the day. Cause I got a feeling, by the time this is all over, you're gonna have to choose." He pauses, looking back at the sea, "And yeah. She was." Dunn throws his body down on his board, paddling hard away from me to catch the wave. He drops in on it as easy as someone would go from walking to jogging.

Was. I didn't know she'd passed away. It must've been in the last few years. He used to get packages from her all the time when he first started watching over me. He'd share the candied pineapple she'd send and read me her little notes to him. She sounded like a phenomenal human.

And at that moment I know exactly where the dark spot in Dunn's soul came from—know why he's so touchy about me spending more time with River, why he's worried I'll leave them all. And the things he said all make sense. He's afraid I won't choose them.

But why do I have to choose? Who would I choose if it came down to it? They're my pack, but at the same time, we'll never really be able to relate to each other. And not knowing my real family, it makes me wonder all the more who I am. Not just me, but the little parts of me that came from generations of my kind. River is part of who I am. And maybe if I get closer to him, I'll get a piece of my parents back as well.

Don't have to choose, Wolf whispers. The first words I've gotten from her.

It annoys me that she thinks this will be so simple. Don't I? Dunn has a point. When this is over, when we know for sure if the Order and the Transmutes are done with us, where will I go? Will River stay? Would I go with him if he doesn't? Finn's been keeping secrets from me all my life. I'm ready to be with someone who can and will tell me the truth, even if it isn't the truth about himself.

She's quiet again. Back to the cold shoulder.

I watch Dunn walk up the shore, Niki helping him carry the back of the board, while T.K. holds onto the ankle leash, letting them drag her on her stomach through the sand. Dunn plops down next to Hicks, who squeezes his shoulder, followed by Niki. T.K., soaking wet and sand-encrusted, sits right in Hicks' lap.

My stomach is in knots. Could I really leave them?

River. Stranger. Wolf says. Same. But stranger.

Her statement catches me off guard. It's the same thing Dunn said. And they both have a point. I'm so ready to throw my towel in with someone I barely know. Somehow he knows Finn. Somehow he knows something about what Finn is keeping from me. For some reason he is putting a lot of time and effort into helping us. And he's so tightlipped about anything concerning him. But, for some reason, in spite of those unknowns, I don't doubt him for a second.

I know I don't know much about him. But he's on my side, I can feel it. More than you are. I don't mean for my words to be as harsh as they come out, but I'm not going to apologize for them either.

Tonight, Wolf says, will tell.

Thank you.

Don't blame.

I'm not sure what she's talking about. Don't blame who?

Finn. Don't blame.

My stomach knots tighter. I think I've known, since I talked to Blythe at the top of the stairs that first day Judge came, that this secret would break down everything I've ever known. And I think that's why, even now, when I'm slowly getting backed into a corner, I'm still not sure if I want to know.

Dunn waves for me to come in and I figure he's right. With all that's just happened and the questions filling my head, not even surfing is going to take my mind off things.

I look behind me at the line between the ocean and the sky, lit up in beautiful shades of purple and orange and pink, and lift my hand. Three fingers fit between the horizon and the sun, which means there's only about forty-five minutes until dark. And dark has become something that makes me nervous lately.

I paddle in and am immediately tackled by Niki and T.K. I hug them tight, and for longer than T.K. would like, as she wiggles out of my grasp and runs back to Hicks.

Niki grasps my hand and walks with me up the shore. He keeps sneaking peeks at me from the corner of his eye.

"Alright, what is it?" I ask.

"Something bad has happened, huh?"

I scrunch my face at him. "Why do you think that?"

"I can feel the sad," he says, frowning.

"What do you mean?" I ask, stopping in my tracks.

"I don't know. I can feel it. You're sad. Wolf is sad. That means something bad happened, doesn't it?"

"Hey, hey. I'm fine, okay? Don't worry about me, squirt." I ruffle his hair.

He sighs, but squeezes my hand. Then his head snaps up towards the trees.

"I think River wants to talk to you," he says, dropping my hand to point at the trees.

No sooner does the last word leave his mouth when I get the telltale headache; the one that reminds me of the secret Wolf is still keeping from me. River's leaning against the low branches of a sea grape, soaking wet, still in his rolled up jeans. The soul of the sea grape is wrapped around him, glowing softly. The trees glow more with him than they ever do with me. The realization makes my chest hurt.

River nods his head backwards, motioning for me to come over.

I frown and take Niki's hand again. "He can wait. I haven't seen you kids in a while. How abouts we bury Dunn in the sand?"

Niki's face lights up. "Will that make you not sad?"

"Yeah. I think it will."