New York City,
September 14,2018.
(Heathwill psychiatric hospital)
I thought I died,I actually wished I died,but then it turns out I was rushed to the hospital and well...I was good again, almost good at least,mom made sure I was put in a psychiatric hospital because well everyone thought I was crazy,I also think I'm crazy.
I'm sick and no matter how many times I have to be in a hospital I couldn't be better,I was suffering or rather I had haphephobia (fear of touching or being touched),I don't really think this psychiatric hospital was mom's best idea,the hospital has been good though,I made a friend, even though our relationship started from the toilet,Anya was pretty good and friendly but she was the real mentally ill person,she has break outs and all that stuff,Dr will said she was brought to the hospital all the way from Portland,I liked her, she respected the fact that I like my whole personal space and we always talk exactly 3 feets from each other and she's always smiling,we do alot together.
"Sophia, you've got this,I seriously don't understand why you are scared to go out there, you're finally free", Anya said to me as i stood frozen in front of Dr wills office,I was getting discharged today and I was freaking out,I don't want to go back to the real world with real people.
"Anya I can't do it, trust me, I'd die the minute I step out of this hospital,plus I won't see you ever!"I sighed,I really didn't want to go.
"Don't be silly, we could FaceTime all the time",she says smiling and raising her phone, even though she stood exactly 3 feet away from me I could still tell she wanted me to go.
"Fine",I said,"but I'm definitely going to be calling you all the time"
"I would like that",we smiled at each other and we waited for Dr will to come out with my release papers,I was really going to miss Anya and the sense of belonging the hospital gave me,I just didn't believe a psychiatric hospital was so comfortable for a person, Calabasas isn't my favorite place at all,I almost had no friends,okay,I had no friend.
"Sophia,I'm feeling rather reluctant to let you go"Dr will came out with a bunch of papers,he was actually the best doctor I have ever had, actually the only person I've allowed get close enough to see me cry, he was too good looking for a doctor who's supposed to be working with mental people,he looked more like a celebrity or something.
"I'm definitely sure I won't be missing you"I say to him.
"Ouch!"he says pretending to be hurt.
"She's definitely kidding"Anya adds
"Your mom's supposed to be here by now",he says looking at his wrist watch.
Dr will mentioning my Mom kinda riuned the whole excited mood for me,the fact that I was going back to live with her was all crap,I could proudly say anytime and anywhere that I hated my mom and I probably think it's unfair for a child to have someone like her as a parent.
She hasn't visited me since I've been in here, she calls only Dr will and then pays the bills,I mean who would be glad to visit their mentally ill daughter anyways,but I mean I do see other mothers here too, even Anya's Mom comes here in visiting days.
"Hello Dr will,I'm Josephine Ramos", even without looking I could tell by the voice that it was my Mom,she glanced at me for a few seconds and smiled at Dr will before shaking his hands.
"Mrs Ramos, nice to finally meet you in person"Dr will said returning her pleasantries,"it's quite a sad thing to let Sophia go like this, she's one of my favorite".
"Oh but you don't have to miss her or anything, she's not going anywhere", my Mom chuckled and for a minute I feared she hated me so much she was going to let me stay in the hospital forever or something but I would have also liked it too.
"What do you mean??",I asked her,she finally looked into my eyes,I felt that distance between us in her gaze, they had no emotion.
"We're staying in New York now"she simple answered,I wanted more, a better explanation,I wanted to know what the hell was going on,I mean we belonged at Calabasas,at least she belonged at Calabasas,all her friends and Job too.
"I don't understand",I said trying to indicate that I wanted more words in.
"I figured you need to be close to Dr will and the psychiatric hospital in case you try to go crazy again"she said, picking up my luggage and walking out.
"I'm not crazy"I said walking after her,I waved at Dr will and Anya,"you never mentioned this, thinking about it, mom, you never visited and Nathan too, you both never bothered",I said to her, she stopped walking and turned to look at me.
"You created a mess of my life...our lives..i should at least get an apology for having to go through the shame you put me through back at Calabasas, your brother's in the car".
She continues walking,I couldn't believe my ears,she needed an apology??,I almost died.
I got to the car, Nathan my junior brother was in front seat,I was older with a year but somehow it felt like he was older with 4 years,he was freakishly tall, sitting down I could still tell, something was wrong Nathan didn't even look at me,he just sat there paying attention to the screen if his phone.
"Wait for your car",mom says entering the car and moving front a bit, another car pulled up in front of me,I opened the door and got in.
This was my car,the space between the front part of the car where the driver sat and the back was separated with transparent glass,I watched through the window as my Mom and brother drove off, followed by my car, this real world stinks.
Welcome back to the real world,i said to myself as I stared out the window,I thought of going back to the hospital,I could just run out of the car and run back into the hospital,but I thought about Anya,she wouldn't like the idea at all,and thankfully I was living in New York now,I was close.
(New Home)
The new house was huge, exactly what I imagined mom buying,it was more of a mansion than a house,it had 2 pools,one was strictly mine BTW, house keepers were everywhere,it was awkward,I knew we were rich but did the helps really have to be attired,there was also a garden out back crazy as hell.
I stood in my over sized room,I mean I had an adjoining room where I had a semi living room and also a mini library,it was almost like my room back at Calabasas,I Loved it because I don't think I'd be going out if my space much.
Someone knocked,I walked to the door and this lady stood there,I immediately moved backwards, she was too close.
"Hello Miss"she said,I noted the accent,she was definitely from Texas,she also looked 40-something.
"Can I help you with something??",I asked.
"Mrs Ramos says I should introduce myself,I'm your new nurse, Patty,if you need anything,I could always get it for you".
I looked at her and I couldn't believe my ears,mom got someone to be a mom to me for her,"where's my Mom?"
"Mrs Ramos is in her room, would you like anything"she offered
"Yes, buzz off,I don't need you"I said grabbing my hand gloves and my stick,I use the stick to get people and things away from, people see it as rude,I used the end of the stick to love the lady out of my way,by the look on her face she was definitely pissed.
It almost 20 minutes of asking around to find my moms room,but I found it at last,I stood out looked at the handles,I wondered if I should knock but then again I was pissed at her,I opened the door so loudly I think she was about to sleep,she got up with a start,she stared at me like she was an ogre.
"You've not even been here for a day and you're already messing up???",I didn't get wether that was a question or a statement.
"You got me a nurse???, you know I like space!"
"I don't have time to babysit you, the hospital made it clear you needed someone to keep an eye on you, Sophia I'm a busy woman,I don't have time to monitor your crazy ass"
"And I don't want to be monitored, fire her!"I said, more like commanded.
"My house,my rules,now close my door on your way out, next time knock!",she demanded climbing back to bed.
Walking down the stairs I was furious with Mom, that's when I noticed the picture of Dad on the wall,I missed him,I remember the events of the past years,I felt sad.
"Hey Nathan",I also noticed him passing
"What??!", he said,he seemed displeased,this wasn't the Nathan I knew, the Nathan that loved me,my bud wasn't the one staring at me right now
"I was wondering why you never came to see me or even called me,not even once"
He looked at me, scoffed,
"get over yourself sis",he said walking away from me,I wanted to run after him,grab him and talk to him,but I couldn't,I wonder what's wrong with my brother.
I looked beside my dad's picture, there was our family picture,my family was interracial,I think that's what it's supposed to be called, my Dad was Latin and my Mom was Black American.
I wondered what living in New York would be like...i really wasn't ready for the real world.
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