Hold My Girl

Chapter 36

"Remember that audition I went to before the London dates?"

I nod. The morning before his first show at the 02 Arena, Harry disappeared for a few hours to attend an audition for a movie role he was interested in.

"I didn't get it" He sighed in frustration.

My heart sank for him. "Oh sweetheart" I exhale, running my fingers through his hair again, my nails scrapping gently across his scalp. "Did they give any feedback on why you didn't get it?"

"Just they were going with another actor" Harry's eye were trained somewhere over my left shoulder, his eyes fluttering closed every time my nails ran across his scalp. He was avoiding eye contact and I knew it was out of embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" I shuffled closer till my knees were against the sofa, my elbow now resting against Harry's back as I kept my fingers in his hair.

He shrugged, his eyes still closed.  "I'm obviously just not good enough" He was trying to act nonchalant but I wasn't fooled.

"Harry, dont say that. You were amazing in Dunkirk, you know that" I protest.

"But everything I've tried out for since I've been turned down for. Maybe Dunkirk was a fluke" His eyes fluttered open and I could see the obvious pain in his eyes. It was hard being told you weren't good enough when you've spent so much of your life being told how wonderful you are. It was an odd concept to wrap my head around. If I were to audition for something I'd be sure I would be unsuccessful but it's hard for Harry to think like that when he's surrounded by fans, media, managers telling him how wonderful he is on a daily basis. I've always thought Harry as being very grounded considering how his life has turned out but even this is difficult for him.

"Harry you are the most talented person I've ever met" I tell him honestly.

"As my girlfriend you've got to say that" My heart still flutters when he refers to me as that. I pull my hand out of his unruly curls and grip his chin so he has to look at me. My hand scratches across the small amount of stubble covering his jaw. He's never been the best at growing a beard but he's barely shaved since we got here and it's resulted in a sexy amount of hair covering his face.

"No, as your girlfriend I've got to say you're an exceptional lover" I smirked at the small smile playing across Harry's face. "and as the mother of your child I've got to say you're a wonderful father but I don't need to lie about your talent"

"Are you saying you're lying when you say I'm an exceptional lover" A frown suddenly transforms his face.

"You'll never know" I laugh hoping the joking will lighten his mood.

"But seriously Harry, Dunkirk was not a fluke! That scene with the piece and jam? Oscar worthy acting"

Harry lips quirked up at my joke which was only really half a joke. "I didn't realise you'd seen the film"

It registers suddenly that Harry's acting career isn't something we'd ever really discussed. His only film came out before we got together and it's never really came up in conversation. I hate the sudden wave of apprehension the realisation brings. I find it a hard thing to contend with when my partner is so well known by, what feels like, everyone else in the world, I worry that people know him better than I do and there will always be someone who knows more about him than me.

"Are you kidding? Dunkirk was amazing. You were amazing because that part was perfect for you. You've been unlucky with the other projects because they weren't the perfect part for you not because you weren't good enough. You'll get it when it's the perfect part for you"