voiceless- mashton au

chapter xvi

i sit in chemistry class,  glancing at the clock every few minutes. school is out in 20 minutes and we're about to take a quiz on the periodic table. i'm in year 11, i don't need to take this fucking quiz again.

ms. bud passes out the quizzes and i snatch my sheet from the girl in front of me. i would apologize, but i can't. ms. bud says we have 15 minutes and that this will be a very small part of our grade since it's just review. i fill the empty blanks with what i know. we pass up the quizzes. she explains our homework while we pack up.

i rush to my locker and packup my bookbag. i walk to my car, getting in and throwing my bag in the back seat. i reverse out of the parking space after continuously beeping at people who thought it was okay to stand in the middle of the park. i drive to luke's house.

to luke:

i'm here.

to michael:

be out on a second

to luke:

it's in a second

to michael:

don't judge me

luke walks out of his house and slides into my car. we wave at each other because we know there is no hope for conversation, not while i'm driving.

"we play at hansen today." luke reads off a text and i nod. i drive to the park and i look around. luke points me to a parking spot where i park. i climb out of the car and luke follows out.

we walk to the field and i spot ashton right away. he's running suicides back and forth, the only one. i look to luke and he shrugs, "might've talked off the coach. he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut."

'where do you think i should sit?' i sign to him.

"um, on that side of the field." he points to the left and i nod. he waves me off and runs to the team. i sit down on a bleacher on the top level and look at the field.

i sign, he talks. everyone is supposed to talk. luke stopped signing once he learned all of the words, even our own slang, in sign language. that was in the third grade. i wanted people to talk to me, i don't like thinking of this to be a disability. i'm the one suffering, why do the people I care about have to suffer with me. they're able to talk, so i let them talk.

the game starts. the players run and get into position on the field. luke is goalie, ashton is offence. ashton spots me on the bleachers and i wave shyly. he smiles wide and waves erratically. they play the game and some people give me dirty looks because i'm not cheering. i can't. luke is doing good at blocking the other team's goals. we're winning, 12-7.

the game ends and both teams hand shake down the field. luke waves at me to come over and i stand up. i walk to the field and he hugs me. i groan in disgust. well, there's no sound, but i cringe. he smiles.

"ashton talked to me about you during the game. he says it's pretty cool that you came to support" luke smiles and wiggles his eyebrows. i roll my eyes and nod.

just when I nod, ashton runs up. i feel butterflies flutter in my stomach. i can finally talk to him in person, but i can't.  i wave awkwardly to him and he smiles.

"my mum just called, are you coming for dinner?" luke asks me and i shrug, nodding.

"can't keep the mums waiting. um, i'll talk to you later?" ashton looks over at me and i really want to say yes out loud, but i nod instead. he seems pleased with the answer and runs off. i sigh in relief.

"you'll have to tell him eventually." luke sighs once we're on the way back to his house. i shrug because i can't sign and drive. i tap on the steering wheel along to the music. i park in the driveway and climb out of the car. luke walks us to the door and unlocks it, walking in.

"michael!" luke's mum cheers when she sees me and i wave, smiling. "made your favorite: chicken with herbs mash" she brags to luke.

"we all know you really wanted to make michael's favorite." luke jokes. luke's mum playfully nods. we go sit at the table where luke's mum has already set out the food. we eat in comfortable silence, which i am so appreciative for.

out of everyone who's known of me being mute, i think it's between my mum and luke's mum who's had the hardest time with it. my mum is so desperate to hear what i sound like, and luke's mum always forgets about it when she asks a question.  she expects an answer that i can't give her. 

when we are done, luke drags me upstairs after i thank his mom. i lay on his bed.

"wanna sleepover?" luke asks and i nod. "good, because i need the homework." he chuckles. i sit up and pull my backpack onto the bed. luke and i have different periods, but the same classes. we only have PE and pre-calc together.

'this isn't due for two days,' i sign and he shrugs.

"better to get ahead. let's do it." luke grabs his backpack to get answers from the homework i hand him. "make-up work is the worst," he chuckles and starts writing down answers i got from classes today.

by 11pm, we are both done with homework, and luke's done with his make-up work. luke takes a shower and returns to the bed. i scroll through my phone.

to michael:

nice seeing you today, aha. x

i smile softly.

to ashton:

you, too. see you on monday?

to michael:

or, maybe tomorrow?