My Darling ❤️

Let you go

Matthew felt so useless. He felt like he had let Lavinia down. He couldn't be with anyone right now.
He couldn't take someone's life away like that.

"My darling, you should go home, forget about me" Matthew whispered to Lavinia
"I can't! I don't care if you can't walk" she insisted
"But it's not just that, we couldn't have children, I couldn't...tie you down to that life, it is better to let you go..." he forced
"No. It's not important to me, I don't care about children just you" she struggled
"It should be important, and it will be, I know, even if you never say, you will wonder what it would have been like to have a proper life..." Matthew choked quietly
"Go home, think of me as dead, and....remember me as I was.." He pushed her away and stared up at the ceiling as she ran out in tears.

Mary walked disappointedly down the hallway, she was engaged now, Richard Carlisle was rich and powerful, but she didn't know him and he was a least a decade older than her. He was nice, by first impressions, he loved her, she knew that, but what about her. She didn't want to move to Haxby park, it was big, too big and it felt like she was trying to fill the shoes of a family much like her own.
Her mother had wanted her married years ago, but she had been foolish, treated Matthew like a toy.
Maybe she would have been more amenable if her parents hadn't pressed her and Matthew together from all sides. All she had thought was that she wasn't going to like anyone her parents chose, but it had taken too long for her to realise that Matthew was brave and kind and gentle, with the bluest eyes she had ever seen, but she didn't like to feel like a debutante at her first ball, crushing on the first appropriate face she saw either.

Then Mary stopped as she heard sobbing from Lavinia's room.
As she walked in Lavinia was packing things hastily into a bag, but she just collapsed as soon as she saw Mary.
Lavinia sat in tears on her bed.
"Not you too" mary said as she thought back to only a couple of hours ago where she had sat on her bed, crying over Matthew's words.
"He has 'let me go' in his words" she sobbed uncontrollably
"He's not himself, I'm sure he knows not walking doesn't matter" Mary reassured
"Yes, but you see its not just that, he says we can never be lovers, I told him I don't care but he says I would, it was probably obvious to anyone with half a brain but I didn't realise..." Lavinia explained
"Neither did I..." Mary sat on the bed for support
"I am sorry if i have shocked you it's just..., well there's no one else i could talk to about it, and then you came in....." She rushed
"No, I'm not shocked" Mary settled
"I'm sure he'll start to see clearly soon.." She continued but couldn't help thinking about Matthew pushing Lavinia back home.
Richard wouldn't like it, he always thought she was still in love with Matthew, so he was becoming increasingly controlling over her.
Mary slivered away up to her room, she just needed sleep now.

Lavinia had been gone for three weeks, Matthew had moved into downton, as it was a convalescent home, and Mary pushed him around in his wheelchair.
"I shall have arms like Jack Jonson if I'm not careful" Mary laughed
"I'm strong enough to wheel myself" Matthew insisted
"I'll be the judge of that" she replied cleverly
"How are your wedding plans going?" Matthew asked her curiously
"Oh I don't know, I don't see why Richard sees the need to rush it" Mary replied tiredly
"Tell me"
"Tell you what"
"You know. What's wrong? Don't deny it" Matthew pushed
"I can't...if you knew, you would despise me, and i couldn't deal with that" she rushed quietly
Matthew left her alone.
He constantly wondered to himself, why was she doing this, marrying a man she was already tired of? There was definitely something she wasn't telling him.
She already had enough money, and Mary wasn't that kind of person, even though she was pretending she was so she wouldn't have to tell him the reason.

But he wondered all the same.

Richard arrived to see Mary pushing Matthew back in and getting him comfortable.
Richard took her to the empty library.
He took her wrist tightly, slowly tightening his grip.
"Don't you dare cross me, or i will publish your little scandal on every newspaper in England! Do you understand me?" He whispered menacingly
"...yes..." She said quietly
He hit her across the face.
"Be sure that you do" he finished and walked out of the room.
He saw Cora coming along the hall and smiled at her.......