Daron's Guitar Chronicles Volume 12

1038 Make You a Believer

Make You a Believer

Janine came in while Remo and Court were out getting food and Claire and I were both asleep. As usual, our mother was propped up in her hospital bed and I was face down on the mattress with my butt in the bedside chair. I'm not sure how long Janine was standing there before I picked my head up and startled upon seeing her across from me.

"Jeez. Hi." I clutched my heart.

She hastened to wiped tears off her cheeks with her sleeves. "Hi. How's she doing?"

"Supposedly tomorrow'll be her last day in the intensive care ward?"

"You don't sound too sure of that." She was using that quiet voice, that I'm-trying-not-to-wake-her voice, which somehow just intensified her vehemence.

I guess I just didn't have any patience for anyone anymore. I was quietly vehement right back. "You should be here if you want to know what's going on."

Janine's nostrils flared. "Shit, you think I don't know that? I thought you were above petty guilt-tripping."

"If you're feeling guilt-tripped it's because you feel guilty about not being here."

"Yes, exactly." She stared at me and I stared right back. "You know I'm the one who always ends up taking care of everyone, right?"

That statement struck me as rather out of the blue. "What are you talking about?"

"It should be Lili, you know; she's the oldest. But she's never been bothered by little things like responsibility." She exhaled heavily. She sounded more tired now than outraged. "So it's always been me picking up the slack for her and keeping Court out of hornet's nests and saving you from bullies."

I think that's when I stood up so she and I were seeing eye to eye across Claire's bed. "When the fuck did you ever save me from bullies?"

"Oh, come on, that time at the pool when the other boys were trying to drown you?"

I had to think about that. Remember, I wasn't the most social kid. But there was a sort of loose pack of boys I knew from school who we'd see at swim lessons. I wouldn't have called them friends exactly, but I was part of that bunch. Swim lessons were held right after school at the YMCA, which was right near the school, so the whole crew of us would walk there together. In the 1970s, it wasn't considered necessary for ten to twelve year olds to be chaperoned anywhere that was walking distance in town. The Y was a busy place. After children's swim lessons were done came "family swim" time from like five to seven p.m., then "adult swim" from seven to eight. Something like that.

Court and I would go to take our swim lessons and then Lili and Janine would show up during family swim to retrieve us on their way back from their afterschool activities–cheerleading practice or whatever. "Most of what I remember is you yelling at us to hurry up and get dressed while Lilibeth snuck some make-out time with her boyfriend."

"Exactly. I was covering for her ass and babysitting the two of you at the same time." She frowned at me. "You really don't remember the bullies?"

"I remember horsing around a lot." After all, boys plus water equals horseplay. One of the regular activities was, of course, the "chicken fight." This is the game where you get on your partner's shoulders and try to knock the other guy on top into the water. I have no idea why that's called chicken fighting, but there you go. The horsing around often devolved into just leaping onto each other and wrestling in the water.

At the time I didn't really understand why I liked wrestling with other mostly-naked boys or why that aggression–at least from some of them, some of the time–was attractive. I figured if sometimes it was a little "too much" that was just par for the course.