Searching For The Light

Chapter 5

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

Do you remember how while watching The Notebook I had caught you crying and you wouldn't stop blushing whilst denying it. I love it when you blush. I love it when you let me see you for you. I love you. It all just happened so fast.

I'm sorry.

The 'I'm sorry' part was written in a messier handwriting, and I could imagine her nose scrunching up as she tried to put her words down on paper as fast as she could. After folding the note up neatly and putting it in my pocket, I had left the hospital and gone to her parents' house. I found it deserted as well. After a day of searching, thinking, and crying, I had returned back to her hospital room. I had taken out every bit of my sadness, anger, and confusion out on that room. I remember how my father was furious at my childish behaviour. Though I never understood his anger. With his income, he could afford to pay for the repairs of every hospital room in every hospital in town.

After my 'childish temper tantrum' was over, I had headed over to the balcony. That night, the thought of jumping off of the 14th floor of that hospital had crossed my mind so many times that I couldn't keep count. But I wasn't in the mental state to keep count. She was gone and I couldn't find a reason to live without her.

To my 21-year-old self, life as I knew it was over. Why continue studying at medical school when I had no motivation to drive me? I had dropped out, and gone on a road trip to help put myself back together. When I had gotten back, it was too late to go back to medical school as I had missed too much. My father had pulled a few strings and had got me a place in a nursing school instead. I remember how he and my mother were both so disappointed that their only child had thrown away his life for a girl.

Though, I like to think that once upon a time my parents were in love, and back then, they would've understood my choices.

* *

I hitched my messenger bag to keep it from falling off my shoulder as I locked my car and ran for the hospital entrance. I was late for work and if John caught me, it'd be my third strike and I'd be fired. The man was relentless, and evil. My first two strikes were for getting John's coffee order wrong. Because my life, as a nurse, obviously revolved getting my asshole of a manager's coffee orders right.

"Distracted him for you, now you owe me a bag of Maltesers, Jared. Oh, and Mira's mom was looking for you. Mira wouldn't stop throwing up this morning," Linda, a nurse working in the cardiology ward, says. She reminds me about getting her Maltesers again and walks over to a new patient. I watch her wheeling the new patient to the elevator as I jog off to the pharmacy to pick up Mira's medicine.

* *

After collecting Mira's medicine and a few things for other patients, I head over to the elevator. On my way to Mira's room, I stop by the other patients' room and drop their things off. Stopping at Kevin's room, expecting to see him, I find the room empty. Walking over to the help desk, I ask Casey, "Hey man. Kevin Jones hasn't come in yet?"

He looks up from his book and glances at me from above his reading glasses, "No. He won't be coming in for another week. Don't bother asking for details, I don't know what's happening."

"Fine. Enjoy your book," I say, rolling my eyes. As I walk away, Casey calls out to me, saying, "Oi, Dr. Lin was looking for you. He's in Andy Tiller's room."

I jog back over to the elevator as Andy's room is on the lower floor. I see Angie on the way and ask her to take Mira's medicine to her. Being the nice newbie nurse she is, she agrees. I say, give it a week, or a month tops, and she'll lose the nice attitude.