Let me love you.

September 12, 2009

14 years old.

Beep, beep beep.

I groan and pull myself up with lack of motivation before taking a swipe at my alarm clock, hitting it with such a great force that the hands that once read 6am snap off half way. 6am, an early hour of the day for somebody to wake up you may think. But birthdays are celebrations that deserve momentary appreciation. I look over at my bamboo entwined calendar which adds up perfectly to September 12th, I'm officially 14 years old. With a gentle whoop I creep out of my bed and tip toe into my fluffy slippers before crawling to my crystal mirror. My reflection reveals my biggest fear, I haven't changed one bit. If anything I look even younger, a small sigh exits my lips before I scoop my ash blonde curls up with both pale hands and twirl the tangle into my usual messy bun before trapping it into place with a white ribbon. White, the colour which best associates with purity, virginity, innocence. White, the colour which best describes my expectations from my family, more specifically my mother. Ever since I was a baby my family brought me into a community absorbed by religion, by an idea of a Utopian paradise which is created from purity, grace and the isolation from those who create sin and destruction, anguish and conflict. Growing up in this community had soon taught me that Jesus is our salvation, my saviour, my life. Looking over to my wooden jewellery box, I gently reach and twist my purity ring from its graceful position before placing it on my left hand ring finger. I was gifted this ring several months back by my Auntie as a surprise for when I finally started my monthly cycle, as a reminder to myself to stay pure and faithful, abstinent and self respectful until I meet my true love. I walk over to my closet and kick my slippers off before grabbing the party gown my family had brought me for this special day, it's white [what a surprise] with light blue doves and embroidered hearts. The dress is hideous, and is not something that I want to be seen in by any of my peers, especially not Victoria.