The Lonely Hearts Club

Chapter 2

It all happened so fast.

It started like every other summer. The Taylors arrived, and the house was bustling with people. Nate and I flirted constantly . . . it was the routine we’ve been going through for the past few years. Only this time, there were things underneath the flirtation. Like desire. Like the future. Like sex.

Everything I dreamed of started to happen. Nate was perfect to me. The guy I held everyone else up to. The one who always made my heart beat fast and my stomach flip.

This was the summer that my feelings were finally returned.

It started with a couple of dates, nothing big. Just movies, dinner, etc.

Our parents had no idea what was going on. Nate didn’t want to tell them, and I went along. He said they’d probably overreact, and I didn’t disagree. Even though I knew our parents always wanted us to eventually end up together, I wasn’t sure they would’ve been prepared for us to be together yet. Especially when he was sleeping downstairs in our soundproofed basement.

It was all going so well. Nate said all of the things I wanted to hear. How I was beautiful and perfect, how I made him lose his breath when we kissed.

I was in heaven.

We kissed. Then we kissed and kissed. Then we kissed some more. But soon that wasn’t enough. Soon hands started wandering, clothes started coming off. This was everything that I’d been waiting for . . . but it seemed fast. Too fast. No matter what I gave him, he wanted more. And I was fighting it. Everything we did turned into a constant struggle over how far I’d go.

It took so long to get to this place, I didn’t want to rush it. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just enjoy the moment, enjoy being together. Why we had to rush to the next step.

And by next step, I meant physically.

There wasn’t a lot of discussion about next steps in terms of our relationship.

After a couple weeks, Nate started talking about how he felt that I was the one, his true love. How amazing it all could be, if I just let him love me the way he wanted to.

This was what I’d been fantasizing about for so long. This was what I’d always wanted. So I thought, Yes, I’ll do it. Because it will be with him. And that’s what matters.

I decided to surprise him.

I decided to trust him.

I decided to go for it.

I had everything planned, everything in place. Our parents were going to be home late and we’d have the house to ourselves.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Pen?” Tracy asked me that morning.

“I know I don’t want to lose him,” I replied.

That was my reasoning. This was for Nate. This had nothing to do with me and what I wanted. It was all for him.

I wanted it all to be spontaneous. I wanted him to have no idea, and then be overwhelmed with how perfect it (I) was. He didn’t even know I was home; I wanted him to think that I was gone for the evening, to make it even more of a surprise. I wanted to show him that I was ready. Willing. Able. I had it all figured out, except what I was going to wear. I snuck into my sister Rita’s room and went through her drawers until I found a white silk camisole that didn’t leave much to the imagination. I took her red lace robe as well.

When I was finally ready, I crept down the stairs to Nate’s room in our basement.  I began to untie the robe, feeling a mixture of excitement and pure nervousness. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Nate’s face when he saw me.  I couldn’t wait to prove to him how I felt, so he would finally feel the same way.