Dorm Room 210 [Original]

Dorm Room 210: Friendships

He holds up a hand, and I have to take my earphones out to hear what he's saying, but by the time that happens I missed most of it.

"Sorry, can you say that again?"

"Oh. Just said I came to get fresh clothes. Don't worry, I'm not staying or anything."

I can't say I'm disappointed to hear that, so I nod at him. "Cool, well thanks for letting me know."

When I step around to get inside, Noah gets in the way, a frown paints on his face as shuffles on the spot. "I get it, you don't want to share the dorm with me, but can you at least pretend to feel a little guilty about this? I'm giving you full privacy here. I'm not bothering you."

The pizza box starts to warm up my hands too much. "Oh, um, sorry. It's not like I said you had to leave, it's just that I was uncomfortable. The dorm room is yours in the end."

"That's not..." he sighs, but he stops what looks like a continuation of what he's saying to point at my hands. "Do you need to me grab that for you?"

I shake my head. "My bed's just there."

"Okay," he says, and places his hands in his jean pockets. "Guess I'll see you in class on Monday."

He must've seen the puzzle on my face because he says with full clarity, "I'm doing Bachelor of Fashion Design as well. Why else are we sharing the dorm?"

"Oh. Why haven't I seen you yet?"

He cocks his head to the side, his brown eyes scanning me, making me feel a little nervous. "You sit in the front near the door, and I'm way up in the back. That's why you haven't seen me."

"Oh."

He walks away after that, but I don't have the patience to process what he said there and then, not when the pizza box is cooking my skin at a dangerous rate.

I eat two slices before I store the rest in the small fridge near Noah's bed, and once I sit back on my bed do the questions come at me.

He really confuses me. Everything about him confuses me.

I go to bed early, reading up until my eyes begin to fight to stay open. 

When I met Stacy over the weekend, I surprised myself by not telling her my struggles of living with someone who is never there. Instead, I told her my roommate and I share a class, and how talented they are. It's the only information I allow myself to give.

I rarely see Noah alone. Each time I begin to say hi, just to see what he'll do, Jesse will come around the corner and keep me silent. I don't push the matter. Raven will smile and make small casual talk. It's weird how comfortable he acts around me, like I'm just another person. No more or less unusual than normal.

I'm alone with him in the cafeteria line, following a group of girls talking about a guy in their class. I smile when I look at him chuckling, glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's funny.

"You're nothing like the other two," I say.

"What do you mean?" He runs a hand through his dark hair, blue eyes scanning the choices before us.

"Uh...not that it's a bad thing. You seem chilled."

Raven shrugs. "Jesse stressed out way too much, but he wouldn't care what you think of him. And Noah's dad runs this campus, so chilled isn't in his vocab. But it's good to know I stand out from them."

I stop in my tracks. "Noah's dad runs this campus? I didn't know that."

"There's no other West campus I'm referring to. There's just East. And South. And North."

"Is that why Noah has a room to himself?" I whisper.

"What was that?"

I shake my head. "Never mind."

Raven picks up a drink and hands it to me. He picks up another for himself. "You should talk to Noah about it," he says. "I'm sure he has a reason for not telling you."

"He hates me." Maybe not as much as Jesse, but there's no point mentioning that to Raven.

He sighs and I tense when he places an arm over my shoulder. My face heats up when he lowers his. I don't have the nerve to tell him to let go.

"Listen, Lillian, Noah doesn't hate. He might look like he does, but he doesn't. He's got this thick brick wall on himself. We can walk through without a problem because he trusts us, but you'll find out he's a cool guy when you get to know him."

"I'm not good at getting people to open up to me."

He frowns. "Why not?"

"Because I never seem like someone worth opening up to."

He falls silent, removing his arm and walking further in the line. I worry he may have taken it the wrong way, but he grabs a small container of onion rings and hands me it.

"If you think getting to know him is worth it, go for it. He's your roommate now." Raven plays with the crumbs before he adds, "Well, sort of. He's a nice guy."

His muscles tense when I reach out and pat his arm. "You're a good friend."

Raven looks taken back. "You consider me a friend?"

I look away, unsure. "I guess. I mean, I can look at you when I speak. That counts for something, right?"

He shows me his regular smile. "It's a start."

I show him a grin. "So, what are you studying right now?"

Raven purses his lips to the side, eyes looking distant for a moment. "I'm not really here to study, I'm just here for my certificate in retail. You know, working up my experience so I can add it to my resume."

"And you chose Prestwick for that?"

He shrugs. "May as well, everyone goes here."

"Everyone? As in your group of friends?"

Raven nods and pays for his food. I follow suit, and am in a little awe when I see him wait up for me. We take a seat at an open table when he continues, but quicker than usual.

"Noah recommended we all go to this Uni since his dad was likely to get us in anyway."

I follow suit and whisper, "Isn't that cheating?"

"It's privilege. But when you're like Nicole and me, who aren't born in this country, it begins to be more of opportunity and luck than anything."

I take an onion ring off my tray before saying, "I'm glad you guys got accepted." Raven pinches one off mine and we toast with that. 

I return to my dorm and go over my notes for tomorrows class. It's hard to concentrate when Raven's words float in the back of my mind. 

My attention drifts to Noah's side of the room . So colourless. I know he doesn't use his desk when I'm in the room. His books pile in a neat order, and his bed made. Untouched and proper. Nothing like my rumple sheets and uneven corners. There's no sign of his clothes laying about, just a pair of my socks on the floor. I think I left the toothpaste out of its drawers now that I think about it. I wonder if Noah's the type to clean up after himself.

Curiosity peaks its head out from the tunnels, but hides when it's recognised. The thought of living with him still scares me. I see him almost every morning, and the guilt is in full kicks. I really did kick him out. Maybe not intentional, but he's doing it for my benefit.

Yet, the conscious decision to not invite him properly back remains clear. I'm not ready, and he knows that when. His mouth will quirk up as a morning greeting, but folds back in itself when he reaches the door to leave. 

Words die in my throat when I see that and all I want to ask if he's okay, but it's always a little too late.

Damage people don't have the guts to ask simple questions without questioning themselves first.

I have a lot to learn about my new roommate and the thoughts that float about him.