My thoughts

Sometimes I feel plagued by my thoughts. Slowly but surely taking over my body like a disease. As I began to push them away or get rid of them they began to slither back stronger than before. It feels like I am drowning, not in water but by dirt. Like the Earth is swallowing me whole. As I struggle to take one breath, then two, the dirt with its bugs and rocks covers my lungs. No one sees the pain because I don't let them. Nor do they care.

My thoughts are like a impressionistic painting close up. Filled with colors. Some dirty. Some beautiful. At least to me and some others. Everyone can see it from far away. But not me. None of the colors seem to go together. But as each color gets more attention, you either admire it or hate it. Most of the time I can only see the mess. The ugly browns mixed with beautiful vibrant reds and oranges. As I try to fix it the mess only gets worse. So I began to try to fix the painting more and more. Now the entire painting is filled with brown's and black's. No more vibrant colors that I use to admire. However, everyone can somehow only see the reds and oranges. How can you see them? I don't understand.

My thoughts are like my room, messy, filled with items of clothing. All of different colors, however, invaded by black and white pieces. Everywhere I look I can see it. The blue's, the green's but mainly the black's and white's. Slowly putting every item in the desired location just to look back and the mess not to be changed. When the door is cracked even the slightest bit I run to close it. I think to myself that this makes me weak, however, people falsely claim otherwise. I sometimes don't even distract people when the door is open because I know they either don't care or pay enough attention. Sometimes I want those certain people to see. But they don't. So I just continue to keep the door closed. The few people that I know will see the mess, I smile to distract them. And if they see it I claim that I am okay. Though very rarely do I allow the door to be open at all.

My thoughts are like the ocean, each thought trying to take over. The smaller fish running from the bigger ones, their predators. Trying to eat them whole. Nearly everything has died. Either from the oils and plastic that surrounds this ocean. Or from the bigger fish. Fish like Sharks. However, some were too strong to be killed by anything. Like a Blue Whale. The biggest animal to have ever lived. Hidden under layers and layers of water. Deep down surrounded in darkness. Very rarely seen or heard but still luming there. Sometimes when I listen I can hear then. Even from miles away. They are there for me even when it is hard to see.