I Thought You Were Different: Part 6

Asleep

"He looks like he's asleep," you said softly to yourself, "if I stare at him long enough, I can see him breathing."

Steve wanted to say something that would help, to find any words that could soothe your pain, but that was ridiculous to even consider. Years ago, he had held onto his tiny baby girl for hours on end, seeing the same thing that you were now, his mind tricking him into thinking that she was asleep and that the horrors everyone was telling him were just a sick joke. He hadn't thought about Maggie in quite a long time now, and it gave him a pang of guilt and pain in his chest as if he had forgotten her, but there was no way that could ever happen.

"Why does this seem so much worse than if he had died in battle instead? Would it seem real to me then? Had I been there?"

"Maybe...I don't know, honey," he finally spoke. "I'm thankful that it wasn't on a mission, and that he was peaceful. He fought enough battles and had been through so much in his life that he deserved peace in the end. He gave so much of himself that maybe this is his reward."

"Maybe."

Up until this moment, Steve had avoided looking down at his friend; he looked around the room, at you, at his hands, and anywhere else he could so that he wouldn't have to see Tony like this. He had argued bringing you here because he wanted to protect you from this pain, but if he had to be truthful with himself, he was just as terrified of his own. He caught himself before seeing just past you and had to choke down the vomit that was swelling up from his gut and choking his air. Steve was worried that this would be too much for you, but once again, you were proving that your strength far outmatched his own when things were truly bad. He could throw punches and fight all day long if he had to, but when something like this confronted him, he took no shame in standing behind you as his own personal shield. He took no pride in it, either.

"Okay," you said after a long silence, "I'm ready to go."

"Sure, anything you need," he agreed, "but will you be alright if I just take a minute? Alone?"

"Of course, Steve. Take all the time you need." You gave his hand a supportive squeeze, but you couldn't yet bring yourself to take the hug from him that you could tell he wanted to give. You weren't sure why there was hesitation, but you could only hope that it would pass when you really needed him. "I'll just be right outside."

He waited until the gentle click of the door closing before stepping up to the table, his eyes closed until he knew that he could handle what he was about to see. The sterility and chill around him wasn't helping the waves of nausea and fear, but he had a commitment to uphold, and he was going to take this final opportunity no matter what hell it put him through; it was still nothing compared to yours.

"Hey, Tony," he began quietly, slowly opening his eyes and seeing the man for the first time since the end, "oh, god." His nostrils flared as he pulled in a breath, looking away to wipe his sleeve over his eyes before turning back. "Oh, I wasn't expecting this. Okay...um...Tony, I have to say this quick because I need to get back to (Y/N) and I also don't think I can see you like this for much longer. What I needed to say was that I promised you a long time ago that I would take care of her, and the kids, and I'm going to make good on that until the day I...die. And um...I guess I just want to say thank you for giving me more time to get to that day. I'm so mad at you for not telling me, and for not letting me be a part of your decision, but I still understand. If it were me doing this for my kids...yeah, I understand. You were the best father-in-law a guy could ask for, as weird as it was for us. But we made it work, huh?"

With a nod of agreement that it was all he wanted to say, Steve gently took the sterile white sheet and pulled it back up over his friend and turned away as fast as he could to get to the exit and flee before his full panic attack could start. He had one hand on the door and stopped, glancing back over his shoulder before taking his leave. "I'm gonna miss you, Tony."