Breathing In

Chapter // Eight

The woman picks up the phone and dials a number as she looks at the computer screen. She asks the person on the other line if Alex is accepting visitors right now. After the call she sets the phone back down, almost emotionless. She looks up to me, practically biting my nails. "I'm sorry Sir, but Alexandra is sleeping right now, and needs plenty of sleep for her second memory test tomorrow," the woman says to me. My eyes widen with annoyance as I try to handle this is the best way possible. There's no way I'm leaving this hospital and going home until I see her, so I take a deep breathe and nod my head. She gives me a warm smile as she picks the pen back up and starts scribbling on the piece of paper again.

I walk out of the hospital doors and see my car just sitting there the way I left it, with the door swung open, and the seatbelt untouched. The second building is behind this one, so all I need to do is pull around there. Seeing Alex is going to be the first thing I do while I'm back in town, even if that means that I need to sleep in my car until she's accepting visitors. I get into my car and put it in drive to start making my way to the second building. I can't believe it's been four months. It feels like an eternity that I've been away from her. I spent each and every day thinking about how I should have told her sooner about the tour and how none of this needed to happen. I should have brought her on tour with me, instead I needed to be a complete idiot and wait longer than everyone else.

I reach the other building, and this time I actually pull into a parking spot. I'm not going to take any chances. I need to see her tonight. Luckily it's almost dark outside, and there isn't too many cars here. Of course she's not accepting visitors, especially ones that caused this all. I walk out of my car and calmly walk to the doors. this building is different. Instead of a waiting room when I first walk in there is a small room with another desk directly in the middle of it. To each of its sides there's a door. One door has therapy written on it, and the other says recovery. There's a man behind the desk this time. He's looks around my age, only with a little more brown facial hair. I walk up to him while trying to calm my breathing. "I'm here to see my mother," I lie, "I'm about to go back to Australia in an hour, so this is the last chance I'll get to say goodbye to her."

The man looks sympathetic towards me. He nods his head, but as I start walking towards the recover door, he stops me. "Can I get a name please?" He says to me before I can make it to the door. my mind starts racing. My hands get clammy again as I stop in my tracks. I turn to the man and see him looking back at me with his eyebrows raised and a warning smile. "Kurt..uh Kurt Madison." I say to the man as believable as I can. I mentally punch myself because I know the only reason I picked that name was because of Kurt Cobain and Billy Madison. The man looks down on a piece of paper and starts searching.

"There's no woman by the last name Madison here, sir?" He says with a confused look. Stay calm, Luke. Stay calm. "We have different last names," I said to the man with a smile on my face, "she got remarried when I was about seven." I say to him. I'm sure he can tell how irritated I'm getting so he sets his pen on the desk like the other desk woman. "Well, I'd hate to keep you from you flight," the man says while letting out a deep breathe, "Go on in." My heart drops, and I start walking towards the door again with no stops. Everything about tonight has gone wrong, and this is going to make up for all of it. I walk through the doors and into a long narrow hallway. There's door after door on each side. As I start walking through and looking into the door windows, I can see that each is a different patients room. I start slowly walking down the hallway, peeking my head through every little window. So far, no Alex. I get to the middle of the hallway and start checking more carefully. Before I get to the very last door I see her. She's not asleep, though. She's laying in bed messing with a Rubix Cube. I bite down on my lip and hold back my tears. I didn't know if she was going to wake up for the last four months and now I see her laying away with a confused look on her face as she tries to match all the colors up. She's the only room in the hallway that had a light on, and she's the only one that wasn't sleeping. A single tear falls from my face, but I immediately wipe it away and try to collect myself. I pull out from my front pocket a letter I had written her one day over the tour. This isn't the first one I wrote to her, though. This is the perfected version. I stayed up almost every night trying to find the right words to scribble down. I hold it in my hand as I slowly inch towards the door.

I lift my hand up to open the door, and once I quietly make my way through, so nobody will see me besides Alex, she slowly sets her Rubix Cube down as her eyes widen. I'm almost in tears while she's looking at me with a blank and confused stare. I've been anticipating this moment for so long, I can't find the words to say to her. Sorry, I love you, or maybe even just a hello. I choke on my words as I slowly walk towards her. "Can I help you?" she's says confused. A part of my heart falls right off. I could feel it break off, and I can see it in my mind vividly. "Alex..I've missed you so much.." I say as I stop getting any closer. She looks freaked out, so I keep my distance. I can't blame her, though. "Excuse me? Do I know you?" She says with her eyes open even more, and her pupils dilated. Not only does just a piece of my heart break, it completely shattered. "Alex, it's me.. Luke? You don't remember me? I'm your boyfriend.." She gives me a foreign look as she scoots away from me on her bed. She looks frightened now, almost like she's scared of me.

I back up. I can't hold back my tears any longer, as a flood comes out of my eyes and down my cheeks. She pressed a button on the side of her bed as she scoots even further away. She's starting to shake. "You're not my boyfriend? My mother told me my boyfriends name was Hunter?!" She stutters. I hear running coming down the hall when I realize she had pushed the emergency button. Before the people can get to the room I walk over to Alex and hand her the letter. She grabs it looking very confused. I bite back down on my bottom lip as I stare into her eyes hoping that she'll remember. The doors behind me swing open, as two built men look over at Alex. She's shaking even worse now. "I don't know this man! Get him out!" She shouts. The two men grab me by each of my arms and drag me out of the room. Alex stares at me as I'm being pulled back. I stare back as more tears stream out of my eyes.

I don't fight them. I can't. I let them drag me out of the room with all their force. I let it all happen. I deserve this. When the front doors start to automatically open I can see that it had started to rain. Not rain- pour. Of course it is. The men literally throw me out the doors, and one spits on the ground towards me with disgust. I look back and see that it's the man that had let me into the recovery room. I deserved that. I deserve a lot worse than that.

The rain hits against my skin like little pellets. I lift myself off the ground as everything starts looking hazy. Everything around me look like it has three of itself. My body feels like it's on auto, and without thinking I start walking out of the parking lot. I leave my car here, and just start walking. It doesn't feel like I'm walking, though. I feel like I'm being lifted away from the one girl that's kept me sane in my whole life. The only girl that I've ever loved in my life, and I'm just being lifted away from her. I promised myself I'd never let her go once I got her, and here I am.

I walk out of the parking lot and eventually make my way to the highway. Every car I see pass me by at around 70 mph I imagine it hitting me. After other car I think about jumping in front of it, and how now would be the best time to because Alex doesn't remember, so she wouldn't be sad. That way neither of us is sad. But I can't bring myself to do it. I try to, but my body won't let me. I think about the pain that I would feel if it hit me, it wouldn't even compare to the pain I feel right now. Everything. Gone. At least the pain the car would cause me wouldn't be the same pain as I feel in the emptiness of my heart. So, I just keep walking.

(A/N: HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THE CHAPTER!! I know it's not as long as I wanted it to be and its kinda sad but I'm really proud of it, so comment what you think! -Carver)